June 26, 2006Barred From the Board
When I started my job I was part of board meetings and my views were sought on a number of contentious issues. However, it soon became apparent that the board (all male) were uncomfortable having their practice held up to scrutiny by a female who did not subscribe to the opinion that because they were directors, they were always right. Now I no longer am invited to board meetings and no longer get to hear information that previously enabled me to do my job effectively and to bring about change. I need to address this without seeming to moan or over inflate my importance in the company. How do you suggest I approach this with my directors?
Meryl Responds
It sounds like things changed without anyone saying anything about it. The result is that you’ve made a number of assumptions that may or may not be true. Before you do anything else, I’d like to hear you get clarity on the reasons for the change in the practice of including you. Here is a possible script.
It was very useful to my job performance to attend the board meetings. Since I’m not invited anymore, I’m not getting information I need to be my most effective in my position. I wonder if I had an incorrect understanding of what my role in those meetings was, and if I am no longer invited because I wasn’t doing what was wanted from me. I’d like to learn why I am no longer being invited and to see if there is anything I can do to get back on the invitation list so I can do my job in the best possible way.
It is quite possible the reasons for your not being invited have nothing to do with what you think they do. I’d like for you to find out. And even if you’re right, it sounds like the goal of speaking is to get what you need to perform, even if the situation requires that you be a bit less forthcoming in the future.
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Kudos to you Meryl,
You exemplified your own advice here, of saying what you mean and not being mean when you say it. The first thing I though was the individual didn’t express if it was an opinion or a fact as to why she wasn’t invited any longer, and you stated that in a very effective but not negative way.
Second, your advice covers a wide range of situations - too often we as individuals judge someone else’s actions based on our own concerns and fears. We make accusations to others based on that, rather than getting the facts first. Your suggestion as to how to approach attempting to get correct information was ver good. Although it is possible that the individuals statement is correct, and she may not get a truthful answer if it is, she will have the personal power of knowing that the other parties were given a fair chance to respond to a non-confrontational request. We can all learn from this, as I know most people have been on both ends of this type of situation, at some time.
Comment by Lael W — June 29, 2006 @ 8:38 am
I took on board what you said and have since talked it through with my boss. She was surprised that I felt excluded and gave a commitment to keep me informed about issues discussed at the board that I need to know about. She explained that I can be abrupt in my manner and that the male board members felt that I sometimes challenged their authority inappropriately. They wanted the board to be a system for ratifying decisions, not having those decisions challenged.
Another forum has since been set up that allows issues to be explored and that has power to make decisions based upon majority agreement, and the board has up to now complied with this. I am a full and active member of this group.
This episode has made me look critically at how people perceive me and the way I approach issues that I have strong views about. I have since handled two very contentious issues in an objective manner and have used reflective techniques to demobnstrate I have heard and understood the other person’s point of view. I have had very good outcomes from this approach and am working very hard on developing my communication skills in a way that enables me to be a more effective practitioner and perhaps a less critical person to be around!
Comment by Liz — July 7, 2006 @ 5:26 am
[...] I took on board what you said (http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/06/26/barred-from-the-board/#comments) and have since talked it through with my boss. She was surprised that I felt excluded and gave a commitment to keep me informed about issues discussed at the board that I need to know about. She explained that I can be abrupt in my manner and that the male board members felt that I sometimes challenged their authority inappropriately. They wanted the board to be a system for ratifying decisions, not having those decisions challenged. [...]
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