June 20, 2006Focusing the Boss
Not long after turning 40 I grew a backbone. It was like I suddenly lost my fear of asking for what I needed, wanted, or in disagreeing with someone. The new problem was, without those 40 years of practice, I did not have the skills to speak up appropriately. I attended one of your seminars, purchased several of the Power Phrase books, decided I agreed with your philosophy and began implementing it in my life. Here is an example of how it worked in my office.
Our corporate president is a very intelligent man but often speaks quickly and in circles. He means well as he uses these conversations to try and teach us as much as possible in the least amount of time. However, I cannot count the number of times I went into his office for clarification on what he wanted done and came out even more confused than when I went in.
This was happening to co-workers as well and since I am the office manager, I felt the need to address the situation. I practiced ways to speak up based on previous encounters and the next time a situation arose, I simply stated, ‘If you will slow down and tell me exactly what you want, I will be happy to get it done for you.’ As simple as this sounds, it worked wonderfully. His next answer was succinct and to the point. We accomplished the project with much less stress on all of us and my coworkers were as thrilled as I was.
One of the great things about Speaking Strong is that it can be done politely but firmly and in very few words.
June 20, 2006Pippi’s Proposed Name Change Update
Thanks to the hundreds (really) of you who weighed in on Pippi’s name. I got fabulous suggestions. I was ready to announce that Pippi was staying Pippi but I would add a new last name of Pangea and create a webpage explaining why. People like Pippi for the same reasons I do, and I like the definition Pangea as when all things come together. I think of Speaking Strong as everything coming together to formulate the words…a confluence of personal desires, emotions and thoughts blended with the universal perspective. I am considering coining the phrase Pangea Power to mean the kind of power that comes from that kind of balance.
There I was, thinking I had found the answer, and I got an email with a new great idea, persuasively argued.
Dear Ms Runion,
Isis, Pippi’s new name
Why.
1. I Say it Strong. ( ISIS)
2. Speak Strong Inc ( play on the initials ) 3. Isis was the Egyptian god blessed with the power over words. The Egyptians believed that if the best effect was to be produced by words of power they must be uttered in a certain tone of voice, and at a certain rate, and at a certain time of the day or night, with appropriate gestures or ceremonies
It also a beautiful name steeped in history , with mystique and offers tremendous opportunity to visualise.
My thoughts now are to rename Pippi Pippi Pangea but rename the award the Isis Award.
What do you think?
June 14, 2006I’d Love to Hike Together if You’re Okay With Focusing on What I Want to Talk About Today
I had some issues in my heart and on my mind and I wanted to follow them to conclusion. I planned to sort my thoughts out on a hike, so I was hesitant when my husband Bob asked if I wanted to hike together. I would enjoy talking my thoughts out with him, but was concerned that he would turn the topic around to himself instead of staying with what I needed to discuss. In the past he has ignored what I thought was obvious indications of my need to focus on what I was working on. The fact is, however (and he’d be the first to admit this) that Bob responds well to clarity and not at all well to hints.
So I told him,
I’ve got some things on my mind and I would love to hike together if you’re okay focusing on me and what I want to talk about this trip.
He asked a few clarifying questions about what that meant, and we had a delightful hike that met my need and created closeness for us.
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June 14, 2006Moving Forward in a New Direction
I agree that people should stop complaining and take some sort of action. Although, sometimes action is not always the best policy. I have taken action on some of my complaints and have been reprimanded for it.
On another token, here’s my success story…
I had applied for 2 different positions in within the company. One I had done before, but by my own choice, I transferred to a different department. I had always gotten excellent reviews from this previous supervisor. I wanted to go back to the department, so I applied. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the job. My previous boss said that he now needed someone with a degree! I had done the job before and felt this was just an excuse because he wanted to hire a different person because they were friends. I can never prove that though.
To make a long story short, I decided that I would go to college and get my degree. I am in my first semester, but so far everything seems to be going very well. When I get my degree, if there is a position open in the same department, I may (and this is a big may) just apply again.
June 14, 2006Rehashing the Past
I recently started a new job in a new position created to help ease the work load for another manager. We are peers.
When we work together, a good portion of the time is spent with him recounting how awful things were in the past (before I came onboard). Too much time in my estimation & becoming a waste of time. Too much negative energy being spent on the past.
I’ve put up with these almost daily “therapy” sessions but am really sick of hearing how it was in the past and what was done, etc.
How can I respond in a way that will stop this recounting of a painful past experience & move forward with him?
Meryl Responds
Tell him,
- Obviously you were overloaded before I came. I get frustrated hearing about that because I can’t change what happened before. I’d like to focus on making things happen now.
The key is to redirect the conversation every time he brings it around to how bad it was. Here are some other potential phrases.
- I’m trying to give up the habit of complaining about the past and I’d like for us to focus on how things are now.
- When we complain about the past I feel bogged down. I’d like for us to move forward.
Remember, generally guys don’t take hints, so whatever you say, don’t expect him to get an embedded message.
June 14, 2006The Courage to Speak
This is one of those Poison Phrases that is not a Poison Phrase across the board, but has an implication that you need to be aware of.
In my keynotes I talk about how -
- I’m here to provide the courage, the inspiration and the tools to initiate the difficult conversations in your life.
It occurred to me that by talking about having the courage to speak, I promote the idea that there is reason to fear conversation. My experience is that once people find the words, most conversations are far simpler and less frightening than people imagine them to be. By talking about having the courage to speak, I reinforce the idea that speaking up should be scary. The most powerful communicators are powerful for the very reason that they don’t fear saying what they mean and meaning what they say. Their absence of fear creates a calm dynamic that does not feed reaction.
That said; I don’t want to dismiss the fact that there are high risk conversations. Even so, I think the better word for gearing up for those conversations would be confidence, not courage. So I’m changing how I talk about these conversations, and I encourage you to change how you think about them.
June 14, 2006From Complaint to Action
I order enough from catalogs that I managed to get on the list for every obscure catalog in existence. My habit was to complain daily when I retrieved my mail.
I saw the folly in my ways reading hints from Heloise. Heloise called each of the companies who sent her catalogues and asked to be removed from their lists.
I became aware of how I complained instead of taking action. I decided to do what Heloise had done. (I ended up giving the task to my bookkeeper who was happy to make the calls for me.)
That was last fall. It took a while to work, but I just returned from a trip to discover I didn’t have a single catalog waiting for me.
When you complain about something rather than taking action, you invest some of your vitality in venture that does not offer a return. I’ve been on the lookout for those situations lately, both in my own choices and how I show up or no longer want to show up for others in my life. As simple as it sounds, seeing the mail stack without catalogs was a symbol of my power to choose to invest rather than squander the power of my intention and choice.
What are you complaining about that you could change if you chose to?
June 7, 2006Does Pippi Need a Name Change?
Many of you are familiar with Pippi SpeakStrong Giraffe, named after Pippi Longstocking, my childhood heroine. I offer Pippi’s to people who give me success stories about times when they spoke powerfully to remind them to SpeakStrong.
I am considering changing Pippi’s name and would love your input. I like Pippi, but would like a more dignified name. I’d like a name that implies being victorious. Click here to post your opinions.
June 7, 2006Willingness to Let Things Fall Apart for a While
Some of my friends’ relationships are in turmoil right now. This is not a cause for alarm; it’s a cause for celebration. There used to be an undercurrent of resentment and hostility in their relationships. Now the resentment and hostility is on the surface where they can deal with it. And they are dealing with it.
Will their relationships withstand the truth? My money says they’ll come out stronger and more committed for it.
Sometimes you’ve got to let things fall apart so you can put them back together sustainably. Sometimes you’ve got to be willing to go into the darkness to get to the light. Through their tough time, my friends remember why they married their partners. And that awareness is lighting the path as they navigate the darkness. I celebrate their courage and wish them safe passage. I wish you all the same.
June 7, 2006Either Stop Complaining or Do Something About It
Generally I like listening to people talk about their issues. I like to offer support, I like seeing if I can spot the patterns, and I really like it when I can offer useful insight.
There are times, however, when I get weary of hearing people recite the same problems without taking action. The names and faces may change but the situations stay the same. I come to a point where I feel like I am enabling them by allowing them to release enough emotional pressure that they are no longer motivated to do something about the situation they complain about.
This happened recently, and I told someone close to me,
I need for you to either do something about this or stop complaining.
I was pleased that my words motivated my friend to take action. If he had been offended, I still would consider the words to be PowerPhrase because they expressed my own perception and need
