July 4, 2006Any Tool Can Be Made Into Whipping Stick
The Dali Lama was teaching yoga techniques here in the west when someone told him some of his students might use the techniques as a way to beat themselves up. When the Dali Lama did not understand how this could be, he was told that sometimes westerners will react to learning with self-depreciation for not already having the skills. The Dali Lama did not understand the concept of self–depreciation and confessed that Tibetans did not engage in self-depreciation.
I found it fascinating to consider a culture that does not self-depreciate. I also thought about how much easier it would be to SpeakStrong in such a culture.
Self-depreciation is painful and unpleasant. It also can be a tool you or someone else uses to control others. It is difficult to SpeakStrong to someone who uses every communication as a whipping stick to beat themselves up with.
Self-depreciation is as powerful of a manipulative tool as anger. Think about that person you are reluctant to come clean with because they are “so sensitive,” and ask yourself, are you bearing the burden of their sensitivity? If you are, perhaps it’s time to say what you mean and mean what they say without being mean when you say it. Be clear and kind, and if they use your truth as a way to self-depreciate, realize that was their choice.
And if you are the one who is too sensitive for others to speak openly with, it’s time to develop your self-esteem so people can SpeakStrong to you without fear of you crumbling. There are some tips in this newsletter. Linda Larsen’s cassettes are still on sale, and that’s a great place to start. Another great place to start is to tell the truth to yourself. Are you really that fragile…or could it be that you are holding on to a powerful technique to control other people in your life? Are you really that fragile, or could it be that you just think you are? Think about that for a few minutes.
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