July 4, 2006Broken Ice
On May 25, 2006, a coworker decided to tell me how confrontational she considered me to be. She noted that when I had a problem with anyone, I address the issue as soon as possible and how some people could not handle it.
After about 15 minutes of us going back and forth, in my effort to gain a clear understanding of what she thought was considered confrontational, I was able to learn that :
1. She was raised to be “polite” and not “make a scene.” If she has an issue with someone, she does not meet with the person to discuss the problem, so it quietly goes away and nothing is resolved. What really happens is resentments are being built between her and the person involved in the dispute.
2. She believes the word “confrontation” carries a destructive connotation and would never want that said of her.
3. She also let me know that “others” find me confrontational and “they are afraid of me.” The “others” are never named.
4. Finally, she advised me I had too many filters in place and never presumed innocence.
I took all her comments into consideration and searched for a positive method to respond to her comments. I also realized that this coworker and I had crossed verbal swords several times within the past two years, without any resolution. The previous day, May 24, 2006, I had received Issue 220. When I read it again, I decided to send it to her. The article “I Never Promised You a Rose Garden” seemed at that moment to be the appropriate way to introduce her to Speak Strong. Meryl, I sent Issue 220 to my coworker as an “FYI” and said nothing for a week. Going into the second week, she and I were talking about supplies and I said to her, “you are very polite but you are also a strong woman and sometimes people mistake your behavior as self-effacing. I went on to tell her that even though we had differences in the past, I admired her and she had a great sense of humor.
That broke the ice; we talked about our differences and gained a better understanding of how we each function. She also told me that was the nicest thing I had ever said to her. We both learned something that day! Hopefully, after reading Issue 220, she will learn a different way of thinking about confrontation and embrace our motto: To express yourself both powerfully & effectively; to say what you mean, mean what you say, without being mean when you say it.
No Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post.
| TrackBack URI
You can also bookmark
this on del.icio.us or check the cosmos
