August 2, 2006Are You Yelling at Me?
My direct manager used to be a drill sergeant, do you see where this is going? He uses the same mentality as the military uses to “break your spirit” and “make you feel like dirt.” Well, I’ve been with the company for a little over 2 years now, and I have talked with the owner from time to time about the “Sarg.” When I express my dislike for being yelled at, the owner of the company has responded with the fact that he feels I am have low self esteem, or possibly there was some abuse in my past. Which is quite interesting, instead of helping management to learn how to manage people, they put the blame on the employees.
After I signed up for your emails – which are quite insightful by the way, I was empowered with enough wisdom to catch my manager one day in a “Yell”. I forget what I had asked, however, the answer became louder and louder and louder until his veins began sticking out in his forehead and neck (now this guy had a heart attack last summer, so you would think he would try to learn how to handle some of his anger) any way, he was getting extremely loud, enough so that the entire office staff of 8 could hear him bellow. Instead of looking down or quickly walking away from the situation, I was able to look him directly in the eyes and ask, “Are you yelling at me?” Needless to say, he was dumbfounded at my question, stumped, to say the least. I still had my lunch in my hand, so I told him, in the quiet of the room, that I was still on my way to lunch, could we finish this conversation when I was through? He nodded yes. After my lunch he came to my office, and apologized for yelling. I was absolutely shocked and thrilled that communication can work so well. I will have to continue to “stand up for myself” but I wanted to share with you this one giant triumph against a daily yelling ‘Sergeant Manager’.
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Congratulations on handling this sticky situation with tact and grace! I love your comment on how management initially blamed you, the employee, for being too sensitive. Were you perhaps listening too loudly? ;^)
Regardless of an employee’s level of sensitivity, history of abuse, or level of self-esteem, they have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
Comment by Cindy Mueller — August 2, 2006 @ 3:53 pm
Nobody attacked the Dixie Chicks, America voiced its feelings as it is there right to do. The Chicks need to realize that when we have our husbands and sons lives at risk they are aiding and abbetting, as should have been learned from Jane Fonda who now expresses her regrets (too late)
Comment by Russ Stark — November 2, 2006 @ 1:57 pm
Well done! I have worked with an abusive, yelling boss in the past, and several of us who had to work directly with him, had to learn how to manage him before he got to that stage and beyond. He was not a happy man, nor a pleasant one to be around. I wished I had said that simple phrase when I was on the receiving end of his tirade, which came about through his own lck of planning…I would have loved to see his reaction. Unfortunately, this man’s attitude was that it was everybody elses fault and not his own.
Comment by Vicki — November 13, 2006 @ 9:55 pm