August 23, 2006An Unhelpful Coworker

Filed under: Ask Meryl by merylrunion |

My coworker had her position 11 years with this company. I have been here 7. She acts pleasant and smiles but literally never offers to help anyone. She works in the office and does not know where anything is kept or where to find anything. I show her a dozen times how to do something and each time I ask her to help; she immediately says she doesn’t know how to do it but will try, and denies I ever showed her. Everyone else pitches in as needed. I tried to confront her on these issues and she recites past conversations incorrectly word-for-word. It is always someone else with the attitude. If I ask her to answer the phones while I’m busy doing something else and she says oh yes she just has to go to the bathroom and then she will or she was just going to take her break. This is a merry go round that I do not want to be on, yet I would like to have some strong words to help me deal with this issue.

Meryl Responds

If she is not doing her job and not being a contributing member of the team, it is the manager’s responsibility to address her performance. Do you have clear job descriptions? Is her manager tracking her performance?

It sounds like you need to document, document, document. Let her know you are keeping a log. Say,

There is such a difference between how I remember our interactions and how you do that I am going to keep a log of our interaction. I’ll let you know what I’m writing if you like to make sure I’m recording it properly.

Then when things happen you can say,

Okay, I just explained how to record transfers. I’m putting that into my (her name) log.

Okay, I just asked you to cover the phones and you said you were ready to take you break. Does that sound right? I’m putting it into my (name) log and want to be sure I’m hearing you right.

You might want to discuss this with your manager before you start, but if you do it with an attitude of being about clarity and stay non-threatening, it shouldn’t raise any red flags. Quite possibly, just knowing you are keeping track will inspire a different behavior.

Then after a while you can present your documentation to her in a congenial way.

(Name) I know you believe you are pitching in but my experience doesn’t support that. It affects morale when we feel like we can’t count on you, so I’d like to see if we can work it out before I approach the manager with what I have.

Don’t get on her merry-go-round no matter how she tries to hook you in. Some phrases to help with that are,

That may be, but my experience is different.

You may believe that, but this is my experience.

I’m just letting you know what my experience is.

Whatever she says, don’t argue, just make your own point and let go of any need to get buy-in from her.

The goal is to make her aware that you are on to her and to make her dropping the ball unpleasant enough that she will want to pick the ball up. It’s not to get her to admit anything, because that’s unlikely to happen.

If this strategy doesn’t work and/or you can’t get management on board, you may have to accept her as she is and just let go of expecting anything.

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6 Comments »

I lived the story about the Unhelpful Co-worker. In fact, you would think the story belonged to me! I stood strong several times. I documented..documented and documented some more! Finally after 15 years of service, I left and two years later, she left on disability! I am not sorry I left because I have let go of the stress and even hatred I eventually had in her presence. I couldn’t win. Sometimes lazy people are great at working so hard at getting out of work, they actually look busy! Other co-workers would speak of her lack of intelligence, but I always thought she was pretty smart…heck she came to work everyday and did nothing and now is drawing a pension. I did all the work and carried it alone and lost my retirement benefits. This was a small municipality and our rights, as employees were not protected. Speaking out and standing strong sent me another direction in life and I am now working with co-workers that are team players. I also have rights and protection from co-workers that don’t meet the expectations placed before them. I wish I had moved on sooner rather than fighting it for so long. I have been gone for three years now, but this story brought it back as though it were yesterday. My suggestion: If you can’t win don’t continue to place your inner integrity on the line by allowing the stress to turn into hatred for another human being. If you have no support from management then they don’t respect you. Don’t just accept it. Go somewhere your great work ethics are appreciated and leave the lazy folks behind. When you are gone…it just might surface that she is stupid enough not to care to learn after 11 years of service! Then again…she just might retire… but letting go makes you the better person. I have had the opportunity to share my story with others since I left to explain how hatred in your heart and determination to overcome is not the true meaning of Christianity. I am now the kind of person I know I should be! I thought I was satisfied and happy until I got out from under it all. Now I love going to work and working together with others!

Comment by Regenia Ashburn — August 23, 2006 @ 2:04 pm
The advice given here is excellent. I want to add that according to some personality theories, including the 5-factor model, there is a dimension of personality with “conscientiousness” at one pole and “carelessness” or “irresponsibility” at the other pole. If the unhelpful coworker described here is behaving carelessly because of this personality trait, rather than because of learned bad habits or sloppiness, then the behavior is almost impossible to change. This is because personality traits are our “intrinsic differences” and do not change after we become adults. In this case, the only alternative is tolerance or separation.

Comment by Leland Beaumont — August 23, 2006 @ 3:21 pm
It’s interesting that you say to take notes… I’ve done that in the past and it works GREAT!! I had a boss who would never remember what he said, but would vehemently deny ever having said something (or, as your reader said), recite word-for-word an incorrect conversation. So, I finally started taking a notebook with me EVERYWHERE! And, everyone saw me taking notes all the time — I never tried to hide it. For me, it’s because I’m a processor and need to go back and read through conversations.

However, in the end with this particular boss, taking notes ultimately ended up working greatly to my advantage, when I could recount, word-for-word, to his manager all of his past discretions, inappropriate behavior, and under-performance.

When I finally left the company (under the direction of a much better boss, as the previous manager “suddenly” gave his notice when I started “speaking strong”), my boss gave me some advice: “Keep taking notes…”.

Comment by Judy — August 24, 2006 @ 5:21 am
One way of documenting is email (if the workplace is setup for it). I make sure I email all requests for help and if the reply is verbal, I make sure I send a follow-up email stating “Just to make sure I understood our talk on this topic - …”

Also it might help if any training (even a 5 minute how-do-I) be conducted in the presence of a witness, typically another trainee.

Clearly, the coworker is using the pretense of ignorance to shirk responsibility. My experience with such people is that they cannot be changed. However, they have a sharpened instinct for survival which guides them to leave you alone if you cause them to face the consequence of their inaction. They then move on to the next person who will “get on their merry-go-round”.

Comment by Varsha — August 24, 2006 @ 9:57 am
yeouch! My impulse to support the underdog is nagging me to respond to this one. I have to assume that since so many people jumped on this one, it must be a common problem. Maybe in BUSINESS we don’t always have the time, resources, or even inclination to deal with this behavior on the level I am about to suggest. But if we did - would anyone be interested in finding out WHY someone behaved this way? More than one of the comments simply labeled the described employee as “lazy.” And that may be true. But it could also be something else. Fear. Paralyzing fear. This employee may have been discouraged or even punished from taking initiative in her youth. She may have had an earlier work experience where she was royally burned by someone asking her to take responsibility. (Once burned, twice shy.) And there could be many other explanations other than simple laziness. I’m not suggesting the patterns of behaviour being described by other responder isn’t real. I’ve witnessed those same kinds of behaviours too. I’m also not suggesting the business has to take up the cause of the mental health and emotional development of its’ employees. But I am suggesting that if the work environment allowed for it, this employee just may need to be accepting responsibility in tiny, baby increments, and then being praised for successes until she gains confidence and trust. Or maybe someone who cares enough about the person could describe the observed behavious and give her a gentle push toward therapy.

Comment by Kathleen — October 3, 2006 @ 10:43 am
I agree with Kathleen. I, too, felt there may have been underlying issues with the coworker. Holding her feet to the fire could possibly exacerbate the situation. I have had coworkers who were disgruntled with the work environment/management do the same thing. Because they couldn’t “Speak Strong”, feared reprisal and/or just wanted to stick it to them for what they perceived as past injustices (not receiving promotions, acknowledgement and/or a fair shake), they would do these types of things. I was always told you could get more flies with honey. I sought opportunities to help them with their workload, be it that it was showing them a shortcut or providing a tip. It was usually something very small, but whenever I needed assistance, I could always count on them.

Comment by Suzie — October 5, 2006 @ 4:00 pm