September 5, 2006How to Handle My Mentor?

Filed under: Ask Meryl by merylrunion |

I have enjoyed a great friendship with my mentor on my new job.
Lately, however, I have experienced being on the receiving end of what feels like uncalled for “digs”. One example is her asking me “Isn’t it your job to fix the problem?” when we were discussing an unpleasant situation. Another is her asking “Weren’t you at the team meeting?” (that we had both attended just last week) when I expressed that I wasn’t following what she was saying.

She used to be my boss’ assistant, and when I bring up issues with him, I get the sense that my questions are not welcome.

How do I respond when she make those remarks?

Meryl Responds

I would say,

I would love your support with some of the issues that arise with my boss, but I get the sense that you are uncomfortable when I mention them. Would you rather I not bring these challenges to you?

Then when she makes a remark that feels like a put-down, ask for clarification. Say,

It is my job to fix the problem. I was hoping you could help me think through how to do that.

I was at the meeting, but I’m still not following what you’re saying. Did I miss something?

Or:

That sounded like a dig. Was it intended to be?

Check out your assumptions and concerns about what she says. It sounds like she is a friend but she may have an issue or something that she is not expressing. That could mean that you will need to draw it out of her.

I hope you can get past the issue. Having a mentor is priceless.