September 14, 2006False Accusations
My boss confronted me with false accusations in front of coworkers in a staff meeting that he said he called to air concerns. When I discussed privately with him if he meant to do this he said that I was an example to the others. He didn’t talk to me for several weeks. Then he had a meeting with me & a coworker in his office, and again made accusations and then put a note in my personnel file.
When I discussed my concerns with HR dept., (a new employee) she said that as a Director, he can do and say anything he wants. Only if it is a sexual comment, is there a concern. She also said that I am too sensitive and refused to believe that there was a problem.
My former CAO who left about l yr ago now said that our office is a “toxic work environment”. HR claims that there is no such thing. My boss is now suggesting to staff that as my job is changing that I will not like my new duties and seems trying to discredit me. Any suggestions…or should I just throw in the towel? I have been there almost 7 years and my boss 2 years.
Meryl Responds
Unless there is someone else in your organization you can turn to, from your description it does sound unworkable to me. If your boss is making false accusations and you are not able to defend yourself, I don’t think you are being “too sensitive” to have an issue with it. The fact that he is doing it in front of others intensifies the offense. You may be right that he is trying to get you to quit.
I personally would not want to work for someone who “makes an example of me,” but whether you throw in the towel or hang in there depends on how much you love your job, what other options you have, what odds you see of the situation changing, and how stressful the situation is for you.
I find it surprising that an HR representative would tell you there is no such thing as a hostile work environment. I applaud you for your attempts to address the situation, and I’m sorry that you were unable to generate support. Perhaps my readers will have more recommendations.
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It sounds a little like your boss may see you as competition and could be afraid of you/your skills and is therefore trying to make you uncomfortable enough that you quit. OR he may simply be an office bully. You can gain more information here: The Workplace Bullying & Trauma Institute at http://www.bullyinginstitute.org/ and telltale signs you’re being bullied at http://www.bullyinginstitute.org/bbstudies/youknowwhen.html. If you have a HR Manager I would suggest you speak with them, instead of the new kid. Ask about policies dealing with etiquette at the office, and offer to help write, create or brainstorm new policies re: office manners at work, you can find more suggestions here: http://www.seekingsuccess.com/articles/art129.php3.
I have much knowledge in this area; learned it the same way you are. My direct manager used to be a Drill Sergent for the Army… yes, you can see I speak from experience and concern.
There is also a Bully Board on Monster.com, you can find it at http://community.monster.com/Forums/ShowForum.aspx?ForumID=95, where you can read, laugh, sigh and vent your problems. The more insight you gain, the better you can handle the situation. All-in-all you have to decide what you are going to do. I began speaking with my co-workers on the side. Once I learned that the 22-year-old MEN were going home in tears, I began to see the situation differently. Mine is an Office Bully. I went to the President. Things changed. It took a while and some learning from Meryl’s fine pointers, but things are more comfortable these last 6 months.
You can take a stand like I did, but be ready should they decide to let you go, because a lot of company’s don’t like to admit there are any problems. I continue to work on the moral inside my small company, I found that using quotes in my email seems to help keep everyone’s perspective. Quotes such as “Everyone needs to be valued. Everyone has the potential to give something back.” - Princess Diana
If you stick with it, you may be the person who makes the change for the others in the company. If you go, someone else will become the Bully’s target and the cycle continues. It’s up to you. Meryl gives excellent advice. One day my Manager was screaming at me while I held my lunch in my hand on my way out the door, and I remembered what Meryl has taught us and smiled and asked him, “are you yelling at me?” He realized he was, and after my lunch he actually came to my office and apolgized. So you see, things can change. As Mama always said, “you catch more flies with honey.” I wish you luck and poise in your decisions regarding your mental health and your career.
Comment by Mel — September 14, 2006 @ 1:32 pm
I too am surprised by the HR response. HR is supposed to be there for employees to bring concerns that impact the work environment, and that is a type of harassment that HR should respond to. Just because someone is a Director does not give that person free rein to do or say anything to an employee that they so desire. Have you tried to go up through the ranks of the HR rep in question? Not knowing the size of your company, there must be some sort of policies outlined, some kind of employee guide? I think there are legal actions that can be taken if HR does not respond as they should be designed to do. I know that sounds drastic, but no one should stand for what you’ve been subjected to. Leaving your job as a result of this treatment would let your boss Win as it seems that is what he is hoping. If you go, there’s probably someone else that will suffer from these same actions.
Comment by Meg Bell — September 14, 2006 @ 2:17 pm
See an attorney. You can call around for a free initial consultation; you can fax them the info and you will get a call back. Harassment does not have to be sexual. Now, that said, if you live in an at-will state (can be let go for any reason), there is not a lot of protection. Is that any reason not to check with an attorney? No! Because they can advise you in how to act during the rough time you are having. Then, because you have been proactive, you will feel stronger, make better decisions. I stuck it out in a situation, protected myself best I could with legal advice, won my unemployment benefits and validation, then went on to find a job where I was absolutely treasure. Go get your sanity!
Comment by Susan — September 14, 2006 @ 10:46 pm
Our company recently conducted a “Respectful Workplace” training. I can assure you there are many types of harassment issues. Here are just a few: Race, Religion, National Origin, Age, Disability, Sexual Orientation, Political Affiliation, Physical Appearance and Pregnancy. Obtaining lagal or psychological advice is key. Harassment based on characteristics that create an uncomfortable and hostile work environment may have lagal consequences.
Comment by Terri — September 15, 2006 @ 12:49 pm
This is bullying, which is identified in this instance by the blatant attempts to undermine, invalidate and falsely accuse. It sounds like this is now the culture in the organisation, including HR, which makes it very difficult to tackle. But there are ways! Empower yourself with readily available info online regarding workplace bullying and use what you learn.
It is a fact that laws are much stronger and clearer when there is a sexual or racial issue involved, but it is bullying nevertheless. Employers have a duty of care toward you, and unsubstantiated allegations are sufficient for you to bring legal action. Do not be intimidated… calmly and politely let them know you have researched this issue and know you can and will take action, if they don’t.
If you do end up having to leave, well make sure you get a good reference, hold your head up high, and head for a workplace that is supportive and validating, not toxic like this one has sadly become. Good luck!
Comment by Marilyn — September 18, 2006 @ 5:34 am
Other comments are excellent so I will put in an esoteric spiritual spin:
First, let me qualify that what I am about to suggest is not about self-torture. I would ask myself a few questions:
1. Is this is what goes around comes around? If it might be, then it’s purification.
2. Might I use it to develop patience and non-attachment? Eleanor Roosvelt said “No one can take away your self esteem unless you give it to them”.
3. Do extra good work, be diligent and agreeable. Be impeccable. Use the opportunity to up your own game.
4. Exercise and see a therapist to gain more insights to identity, ego, and perception.
5. Regard yourself with the highest rrespect and reverence and then do the same for the “bully”.
6. Pray and ask everyone you know to pray for you and your boss.
Good Luck!
Comment by Jerry Wang — September 20, 2006 @ 1:29 pm
Whew! This subject apparently strikes a lot of chords. I agree with Mel who speculated that your boss feels threatened by you. If the normal, civilized, polite office behaviours do not serve after a few sincere efforts, I have found that calling the bluff is sometimes effective. In this case, if my boss chooses to make issues public, then I would make my responses public. I would use the direct “flies with honey” type response as it applies to criticism about myself, but I would also make it clear in the public forum that I am committed to my (job? organization? mission? - whatever applies) and that I am ready and willing to lend whatever expertise I have to supporting the boss’ success. If my offer is sincere, it puts my boss in a bad light to further humiliate me, and he is on notice that I will stand up for myself. He then has to be asking himself how much further I will be willing to go. Also - in my work area - yes, the boss can put whatever they want in my file. But so can I. If I disagree with what the boss has placed in my file, I have the right to place a rebuttal in the file. If the worst case scenario is that you end up working somewhere else, what have you got to lose by standing up for yourself? Good luck!
Comment by Kathleen — September 22, 2006 @ 7:46 am
Meryl is right–this situation is probably unworkable. Bosses who blatantly lie and falsely accuse employees are incorrigible–no interaction between you and this boss is going make him come around–he wants to be bad and he’s set himself up with a weak HR department so he can get away with it. HR is colluding with your boss’s inappropriate behavior by misinforming you, refusing to represent you and placing blame on you without looking into the facts. There are things you can do to minimize the damage while you are looking for another job. Read the tips at http://www.bigbadboss.com/Tips.html
You will be much better off in a healthier work environment. Best of luck to you.
Comment by Marilyn Haight — September 29, 2006 @ 8:02 am
Marilyn’s reply reminded me that one factor to weight in on for this type of decision has to do with where you work. I have been working for a government agency for almost 30 years. So my investment in the job prompts me to look for ways to stay. And even if the offending party is a boss, they are just one small cog in the machine. I have as much right to my position as they do. I consider it rather cavalier of someone to tell me I should solve an employment problem by going to work elsewhere. But I do understand that modern day employment practices make it more common, more acceptable, and maybe even more strategically smart to move around from job to job, or company to company.
Comment by Kathleen — October 3, 2006 @ 8:25 am