September 14, 2006Taking the Mask Off
I was amused by a post from a speaker on an email discussion group I belong to saying that he hadn’t joined a discussion so it would appear his calendar was too full and he didn’t have the time. It was amusing because so many of us actually do that kind of thing, but of course we don’t usually announce our tactics.
Yesterday I gave a presentation about rejection, and in preparation I thought about how many ways we (I) try to make ourselves look better than we are to avoid rejection. It becomes a habit that is difficult to break. I play a game of “gotcha” with myself to see where my disclosure goes beyond simply putting my best foot forward into presenting a false front. I catch myself more often than I like to admit, but I will admit it because it’s a good habit to break.
It can be scary to present ourselves as we are without posturing. Yet what better format could there be, than a presentation on rejection? I told the tale of my struggle to become successful as a speaker, and the rejection I faced as I developed my skills. It was a very difficult few years. I remember one night comparing myself to other speakers who were the darlings of the audience, and suddenly it occurred to me…going out knowing the audience would love you was easy. Going out knowing you were likely to face rejection was far harder. It took a lot of courage to do that, and yet I did it every day. Thinking about it, I decided, I deserved a medal for persevering in the face of all that rejection. Then I realized…I got a medal when I was awarded the Certified Speaking Professional designation. The medal is intended for significant contribution to the speaking industry, but for me, the medal is for hanging in there long enough to get good despite the rejection.
Sharing that journey was a greater gift to my audience than pretending I was a born speaker.
But the greatest gift of being authentic is to ourselves. Every time we pretend we are busier than we are, more accurate than we are, more perfect than we are, or in some way other than we are, we send a message to ourselves that what we are isn’t enough. And just maybe we overlook the heroic nature of who we really are. Facing the world each day knowing you’re perfect is easy compared to facing the world each day knowing that being your imperfect self without disguises might invite rejection. The funny thing about it is that the acceptance you get when you are genuine is worth twice the acceptance from any front you put up. The fact that you get to relax is a nice benefit too.
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I had a really bad day at work yesterday and was feeling pretty low when I got into the office this morning. However, I just read your posting ‘taking the mask off’ and it really struck a chord with me. Thank you – I really needed the reminder that perfection is not necessarily what I need to be about.
Comment by Stephanie — September 15, 2006 @ 1:26 am
Although leaving the mask off sometimes gets me a little static in my life from time to time, I have to say overall I am an advocate of taking or leaving the mask off. What I have found is that it gives other people around me permission to take their masks off too. They are often grateful for the creation of that atmosphere and we enjoy a much more relaxed work area together.
But for those who may be young and/or inexperienced in the larger world, I would add a caution. The caution would be not to confuse “taking the mask off” with “letting it all hang out”. In the work place, things you say, or images you project of yourself, may live far longer in coworkers’ memories than they do in your own repertoire of behaviours.
Comment by Kathleen — September 22, 2006 @ 7:32 am