Comments on: My Boss is a Bully http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/09/20/my-boss-is-a-bully/ By Meryl Runion and SpeakStrong, Inc. Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:29:29 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: Marilyn http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/09/20/my-boss-is-a-bully/#comment-314 Marilyn Fri, 22 Sep 2006 13:19:20 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/09/20/my-boss-is-a-bully/#comment-314 Ahh... once again an incidence of workplace bullying. Generally speaking, bullies bully because they are inadequate. Good managers manage, delegate, trust and guide, they do not demean, undermine, intimidate and abuse. The harder you work, the more you are liked, the more threatened the bully feels that their own shortcomings will be exposed. It is a mistake to think he behaves like this to make people work harder. It will work in the short term, but his targets will soon be so demotivated, then their work will suffer - so you can't win either way, and the company will lose out as well. Sensible managers know that the way to encourage people work harder is to nurture, care, listen and support, not to knock back. If HR and directors could be made to see that they are being financially compromised by allowing this kind of destructive behaviour, even if they don't care about their moral duty towards their employees, then you might have some hope of changing the culture before it takes over! You can and should certainly try tackling him - strong, calm and assertive is the only way, just as you suggest. This may work, but be prepared for it to have the opposite effect. Sticking up for yourself with a serial bully -(see http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/index.htm for definitions, validation and support) - will often make him/her hit out even harder if they believe that will result in getting rid of you. It can be a no win situation, but as has been written before, it will mean that once you are gone they will simply find another target. So if you can do anything to change this, great, but if it starts affecting your own well-being, then take care of you first. Continued systematic bullying can and does destroy lives. Good luck! Ahh… once again an incidence of workplace bullying. Generally speaking, bullies bully because they are inadequate. Good managers manage, delegate, trust and guide, they do not demean, undermine, intimidate and abuse. The harder you work, the more you are liked, the more threatened the bully feels that their own shortcomings will be exposed.

It is a mistake to think he behaves like this to make people work harder. It will work in the short term, but his targets will soon be so demotivated, then their work will suffer - so you can’t win either way, and the company will lose out as well. Sensible managers know that the way to encourage people work harder is to nurture, care, listen and support, not to knock back. If HR and directors could be made to see that they are being financially compromised by allowing this kind of destructive behaviour, even if they don’t care about their moral duty towards their employees, then you might have some hope of changing the culture before it takes over!

You can and should certainly try tackling him - strong, calm and assertive is the only way, just as you suggest. This may work, but be prepared for it to have the opposite effect. Sticking up for yourself with a serial bully -(see http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/index.htm for definitions, validation and support) - will often make him/her hit out even harder if they believe that will result in getting rid of you. It can be a no win situation, but as has been written before, it will mean that once you are gone they will simply find another target. So if you can do anything to change this, great, but if it starts affecting your own well-being, then take care of you first. Continued systematic bullying can and does destroy lives. Good luck!

]]> By: Anthea Curtis http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/09/20/my-boss-is-a-bully/#comment-311 Anthea Curtis Wed, 20 Sep 2006 23:07:51 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/09/20/my-boss-is-a-bully/#comment-311 I believe the direct approach is the best - either the boss will respect you, give you the info needed and move on, or will react negatively and you will know that no matter what actions you take, you will always be demeaned and will never achieve your true potential in that position. In that case, you're better of pursuing your career in a more supportive environment, where your skills and contribution will be valued. I believe the direct approach is the best - either the boss will respect you, give you the info needed and move on, or will react negatively and you will know that no matter what actions you take, you will always be demeaned and will never achieve your true potential in that position. In that case, you’re better of pursuing your career in a more supportive environment, where your skills and contribution will be valued.

]]> By: Jerry Wang http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/09/20/my-boss-is-a-bully/#comment-306 Jerry Wang Wed, 20 Sep 2006 19:14:59 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/09/20/my-boss-is-a-bully/#comment-306 Being dismissive and abusive is negative. Being a frustrated boss, he might be looking to the subject matter/functional expert to take the lead. He assumes incomptetence unless proven otherwise. If there is anyway to WOW him and get hime off the "He asked what I thought I could do, when every one else failed. " position? Another approach is to engage him in a discussion about how to do it by merely telling him some related anecdotes and then link to the topic. This way, his perceptual alarm of "NO time" will not go off and hopfully you can hear or get him to agree indirectly how to best do the job. A matador does not necessarily have to put the bull down. Dance a bit. Being dismissive and abusive is negative.

Being a frustrated boss, he might be looking to the subject matter/functional expert to take the lead. He assumes incomptetence unless proven otherwise. If there is anyway to WOW him and get hime off the “He asked what I thought I could do, when every one else failed. ” position?

Another approach is to engage him in a discussion about how to do it by merely telling him some related anecdotes and then link to the topic. This way, his perceptual alarm of “NO time” will not go off and hopfully you can hear or get him to agree indirectly how to best do the job. A matador does not necessarily have to put the bull down. Dance a bit.

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