Comments on: How Do You Turn Down a Date?

By: Lindsey

Lindsey — Wed, 11 Oct 2006 21:02:21 +0000

My answer is similar to Jennean’s. When declining a request for a date, I just say, “No. thank you. But I am flattered that you asked. ” I use a sincere tone of voice (it helps that I am genuinely flattered) and be as kind but assertive as possible. If they ask why I honestly tell them, “I just don’t think we’re a good match but I’m flattered that you thought to ask.” Honesty really is the best policy and I’ve found it to be most effective when presented in an objective and non-judgemental way.

By: Randel

Randel — Fri, 06 Oct 2006 13:26:37 +0000

As to how to turn down a date or break one already accepted, it should be done with truth and honesty. One thing to remember is this, the person being asked out, no matter how much they like to believe so, cannot control or, unless given the power to do so, really even influence how the person asking feels. They simple do not have that kind of power and are overly arrogant in thinking so. The only feelings anyone can control are their own.

So with that said, turn down the request honestly and truthfully. Say something like: “no thank you”, “thanks for asking, but no thank you”, or “I’m sorry, I’ve changed my mind”. Meryl brings up a valid point if you use some other excuse, like: “I’m already seeing someone”, “I’m busy that night”, “I have out of town guest visiting”, etc…. You may be put into a position of possibly having to deal with this again.

By: Jennean

Jennean — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 22:51:13 +0000

When someone asks me out on a date, if I am not interested, I say something like “I’m flattered that you’re inviting me to go out with you. However, I must decline.” I use a sincere, kindhearted tone of voice and direct eye contact. If the person pressures me for a reason for declining, I have responded with “I’m seeing someone already,” or “I’m not interested in dating anyone at this time,” or “I have personal reasons that I would rather not discuss.” I admit that I generally add a genuine “Thanks, anyway,” or an “I’m sorry” to the end of whatever date-declining response I give. Whether the guy is a sleazy-looking stranger or a well-groomed and well-mannered work acquaintance, I choose to give a kind response.

By: Kathleen

Kathleen — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 13:54:25 +0000

As I have gotten older, I get more forgetful. Because I got so bad at overbooking myself because I was forgetting other appointments or plans I had made, I began to answer all invitations with something like “Sounds like fun. Let me check my calendar and get back to you.” That gave me time to double check all my calendars (home, work, and purse) AND time to think about whether I really wanted to participate in the event. In the case of a date you decide to decline, by putting the moment off, you can better choose when, where and how to decline to help save face for everyone. Obviously, ASAP is better so the other person can make other plans. As far as the HOW - I agree honesty is always best, if delivered in a sincere, non fear-driven way. I’ve even had friends turn me down or cancel invitations with something as honest as “I’m sorry, but as we get closer to the time, I’m finding I am just too tired from my week to find (activity) appealing.” How could I argue with that? I might be disappointed, but I could hardly take it personally. A date refusal may require slightly different wording, but could still be honest. “I’m enjoying getting to know you at work, but I don’t find I think of you as someone to date right now.” or “I’m very cautious (conservative) when it comes to dating. I like to get to know the person in a more neutral setting first before I consider whether I want to date them or not. How would that work for you?” In the case of someone you know you will never date, I liked Meryl’s suggested wording. Direct. The end.

By: Deb

Deb — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 17:11:09 +0000

COMMENT on “How Do You Turn Down a Date?”….

May I suggest the opposite? Just try going out with the person. In September 2005, I reluctantly accepted an offer to go on a date and even contemplated canceling the day of! He’s “a little bit Country” and I’m “a little bit Rock-n-Roll”, so I just knew it wouldn’t work! But, when I least expected it…guess what I found? THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!! It may have taken 40 years; but, it was soooooo worth the wait…this past year has been incredible and I’m the happiest I’ve been in all of my life!

GOOD LUCK!