http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/10/26/when-you-dont-want-to-speak-you-probably-need-to/ By Meryl Runion and SpeakStrong, Inc. Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:38:40 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/10/26/when-you-dont-want-to-speak-you-probably-need-to/#comment-167100 Kathleen Mon, 11 Aug 2008 13:49:42 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/10/26/when-you-dont-want-to-speak-you-probably-need-to/#comment-167100 Sumathi - The description you give of your friend's behavior sounds to me like what happens when the friend does not know how to set his own limitations, or how to convey them to you. Please don't let it determine how you feel about yourself. It is likely more about your friend finding out about a particular limitation of his own for the first time, and not knowing how to deal with it. If you value the person as well as the friendship, I would recommend giving him time to figure out what he CAN do and in what way he can be available to you. In time he may be able to articulate that for you. I could use myself as an example: I happen to be the type person who needs a lot of "down" time or alone time. Even a phone call can be more than I can handle in a given moment. My closest friends have come to understand that I will call them back when my own limitations allow me to do so. And I completely agree with everything Meryl said. Sumathi - The description you give of your friend’s behavior sounds to me like what happens when the friend does not know how to set his own limitations, or how to convey them to you. Please don’t let it determine how you feel about yourself. It is likely more about your friend finding out about a particular limitation of his own for the first time, and not knowing how to deal with it. If you value the person as well as the friendship, I would recommend giving him time to figure out what he CAN do and in what way he can be available to you. In time he may be able to articulate that for you. I could use myself as an example: I happen to be the type person who needs a lot of “down” time or alone time. Even a phone call can be more than I can handle in a given moment. My closest friends have come to understand that I will call them back when my own limitations allow me to do so. And I completely agree with everything Meryl said.

]]> http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/10/26/when-you-dont-want-to-speak-you-probably-need-to/#comment-162971 sumathi Tue, 05 Aug 2008 08:26:57 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/10/26/when-you-dont-want-to-speak-you-probably-need-to/#comment-162971 I like to share some of the thoughts of myself. I am very much craze of one of my friends. I will share most of my feelings or day to day happenings with him. He listens it patiently and ask some questions in the middle. That will acknowledge me he is interested in conversing with me. I started making him call frequently. But one day he shouted at me like he is not interested to talk with me. I was totally upset. I sms'ed him why he was anger at me. But he doesnt have habit of messaging. Usually he will call if he sees my message. But no response from him. The next day I called him, I could understand from his words he is trying to avoid me. Asked why he was anger at me yesterday. He told he was not at all anger at me. Those words made my mind free. Then I asked him whether I can make a call to him. He told that 'dont make frequent calls I am getting anger'. These words hurted me a lot. Because of his avoidance I am feeling like loosing my self esteem. I dont know whether he is interested in talking with me or not and also now I am thinking whether I can proceed talking with him or not. Any advise on this regard can be appreciated. I like to share some of the thoughts of myself. I am very much craze of one of my friends.
I will share most of my feelings or day to day happenings with him. He listens it patiently and ask some questions in the middle. That will acknowledge me he is interested in conversing with me. I started making him call frequently. But one day he shouted at me like he is not interested to talk with me. I was totally upset. I sms’ed him why he was anger at me. But he doesnt have habit of messaging. Usually he will call if he sees my message. But no response from him. The next day I called him, I could understand from his words he is trying to avoid me. Asked why he was anger at me yesterday. He told he was not at all anger at me. Those words made my mind free. Then I asked him whether I can make a call to him. He told that ‘dont make frequent calls I am getting anger’. These words hurted me a lot. Because of his avoidance I am feeling like loosing my self esteem. I dont know whether he is interested in talking with me or not and also now I am thinking whether I can proceed talking with him or not. Any advise on this regard can be appreciated.

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