November 2, 2006My Boss Doesn’t Like Me
I know my boss doesn’t like me personally. Nothing I do seems to make any difference. I have perfect stats. I always volunteer for the extra jobs. I am on time, I do my work as best I can. She just avoids me like the plague. The only time she said anything to me in a positive way she added well I know you had some problems with personality issues when jean was your manager. (This was in reference to how well I handled someone getting all bent out of shape because I looked at them with a naughty glint in my eye.) The woman just doesn’t like me. This will (I would bet) affect any raises, promotions and stability in my job. I want to address this issue, but I don’t know how. I don’t even know if it is wise. It is eating at me and has been for quite some time. Any suggestions?
Meryl’s Response
If it was me, I would ask her directly. I would say (if appropriate)
I get the feeling you don’t like me, which baffles me since I do my work well and I like you. I can live with that but I am concerned that it will affect my bonuses and raises. Am I perceiving you correctly and is there anything I can do to mitigate this?
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(This was in reference to how well I handled someone getting all bent out of shape because I looked at them with a naughty glint in my eye.)
What does this phrase mean? Is this a male or female speaking? What transpired between the speaker and Jean?
Comment by Sheila Bailey — November 2, 2006 @ 1:34 pm
I would recommend a slightly different approach: avoid the words “feeling” and “like” in your opening sentence. These are personal expressions and you are at your place of business. You and your boss must work together to meet business objectives; it’s not about becoming friends—which is what “like” implies. And if you talk about your feelings, you’ll take this conversation in a direction you don’t want it to go, making it about your personality rather than workplace issues.
Instead, start with a question focused on job performance—something like, “I’ve noticed that you tend to avoid me. I’m wondering whether that’s an expression of your confidence in my ability to do the job or whether there’s something else we need to talk about.” Then wait silently for a response and address your boss’s comments from a business perspective.
It’s always to your advantage to come from a position of strength rather than a position of weakness. If this boss is intentionally trying to hurt you, you will be giving her permission to do by telling her you anticipate undeserved consequences. Stay strong and confident—you’ve done nothing wrong. Don’t give your boss an even greater sense of power over you by expressing your fear of undeserved consequences—approach her as if you expect fairness—even if you have to pretend.
Comment by Marilyn Haight — November 6, 2006 @ 7:29 am