November 16, 2006More Dixie Chicks Lessons

Filed under: This Week in the World by merylrunion |

I responded to some of the posts privately, and am writing now with a general response to the collective posts. Be sure to click on comments for the posts for “Wake-up Call” article and the “Shut-up and Sing” article. Sorry it’s such a long post – I have a lot to respond to.

When I wrote the original Dixie Chick article, there was something about it that didn’t feel right, but I didn’t know how to fix it. I referred to the Chicks as Speaking Strong. I added some comments later to clarify that I didn’t see them as the models of diplomacy – I mentioned that their words wouldn’t pass the PowerPhrase test, and I also suggested that had they been as diplomatic as Michael Fox was, perhaps it the backlash would have been less. I didn’t want to overstate my disclaimers because I didn’t want to imply that they deserved what they got. I considered that as similar to like suggesting that a rape victim deserved what she got if she was dressed provocatively. I didn’t want to imply that I was blaming the victim in any way – but I do want to acknowledge those who took issue with their choice of words. We’ll never know if the backlash would have been less severe had they been more gracious in their disclosure – and we’ll never know if the backlash against me would have been less had I not referred to them as Speaking Strong.

I apologize for any implication that their words were models. I also apologize for any implication that those who boycotted the Chicks were wrong to do so, or that they condoned the harsher reactions, or that I lumped those who boycott the Chicks in with those who attempted to destroy their careers.

Connie, I am very happy to thank your dad and the men and women like him who secure the right to speak for us all. I speak to many military groups and I am in correspondence with people who serve in Iraq. I stand in awe of people who risk their lives and sacrifice their comfort for what they believe. I love my military audiences (and was reminded last week by a meeting planner who hires me that they love me). I find them more open to discussion than some of my other groups.

Lest anyone think I am disparaging those who protect our freedoms while I advocate exercising them, I do want to say thanks for your service. Honestly I don’t have the words to express what I feel for what they do, so I’ll leave it as a heart-felt thank-you. Picture me standing on my roof top as I declare my thanks and it might do justice to what I feel.

Regarding the comment that it wasn’t an orchestrated effort, if you haven’t watched the movie trailer or read the articles I suggest you do. A poster asks who orchestrated the campaign. That question is answered in the articles and the movie trailer. If you have seen that and you still don’t see it as orchestrated, we’ll have to agree to disagree. In my opinion it would be as if someone who objected to my post didn’t stop at unsubscribing from my newsletter and deciding not to buy my books, but also called on my clients to drop me, got my books taken out of bookstores, got my publishers to withdraw contracts and organized public burning of my books. To me the evidence points against the idea that this was individuals choosing to boycott someone in protest, while that certainly happened as well.

A reader (with an extensive military background) wrote me an incredible email (subject line: Message of Support) that summarized the main point of my original post…a point that appeared to get lost. She said,

“I did take heart in the comment you made about the sense of freedom the Chicks feel by having been “released” by their previous fan base, and the new directions they feel they can move in. Maybe you could expand on this concept as it applies in all our lives? What constraints do we place on ourselves unnecessarily and without thought? How do we release them without generating a firestorm and move past them?”

I love her words about taking heart. In the same newsletter I suggested to someone who lost her job after speaking up that perhaps it wasn’t a job she really wanted to keep. Someone posted a comment on that about how she had spoken up about racism and was fired the next day because she “didn’t fit in.” http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2006/11/02/laid-off-for-speaking-up/#comments She realized it was true and she had been freed. I thought the angry responses proved the point I wanted to make – we do better when we play to those who accept who we are and what we stand for, rather than try to convince or pretend for those who don’t. I lost a few subscribers from this discussion, but I gained far more than I lost and my book sales were unusually brisk.

I think of advice I received when I worked for a seminar company that required book sales. There are always people who complain about being subjected to a product presentation during the seminar. The most successful trainers are the ones who “speak to those who want to buy” and consider but don’t overly concern themselves about those who don’t.

For those who object to my “advocating my political views”: I don’t expect you to agree with this, but I don’t see myself as advocating political views – I see myself as advocating clear, open communication and occasionally using political examples. I don’t promise never to use political examples again, but I will continue to keep them occasional.

Thanks to Andrea in Australia for confirming the idea that the reaction to the Chicks reflected more poorly on the US than the initial remark. She said that’s exactly what she noticed across the big pond.

I also was struck by a comment by someone who said she tended to want to keep her head down when people are striking out lest she become a target, but she realized she needed to speak. It’s no surprise that the most aggressive among us tend to be more vocal than the more passive. It’s that passivity that allows bullying to happen. I think of a friend whose coworkers remained silent when her complaint about her manager was investigated. My friend was fired. Her former coworkers regretted their silence when the bullying that she received was redirected to them. In my opinion, those who stay silent are as culpable as those who wield aggression.

Thanks to all of you for participating in this dynamic discussion. I learned a lot from it, and I hope you did too. And I hope that my original message came through despite the side trails the discussion took us down. I hope you are left with the inspiration to free yourselves from attempting to please those who can’t accept you as you are, and play to the people who do. I am grateful to you all, including those who took issue with my writing.

www.speakstrong.com