Your words: “I did not feel victimized.” really resonated with me. When I find myself in a situation where someone else (usually my husband) is upset/angry with a situation, I find it a little too easy to shift to the defensive and begin my counterattack, even when I am not responsible for the situation. Then I feel “justified” in my anger, wasn’t I just attacked?

From reading your post, I realize that I am “victimizing” myself. I choose to respond as a victim, and I choose to get angry. Then I react in an un-Pippilike manner. I will remember to tell myself: I am not responsible for their behavior/reaction, and I am NOT a victim here. Thanks!

Jerry, congrats on staying calm. It sounds like you determined your priorities and chose words in alignment with them. Can I edit it for a Pippi story?

Lately, I would repeat “I am not responsible for his or her behavior” in my mind. However obnoxious I perceive people to be, I would look at them more detachedly and remind myself that I am responsible for myself and not for others. This is the essence of self-mastery, self-determination, and self-reliance. This approach helped me to not be MEAN when I say what I mean.

The “I am not responsible for his/her behavior” thought paid dividends last week as my family left from the Kona International airport. We had done web check-in and we waited by the curb side after getting to the airport. A sky cab came by and took our friends’ five pieces of luggage. After waiting for 10 minutes, I decided to take my family’s luggage to the web check-in counter myself.

Then my wife showed up after returning the rental car, agitated and questioning why I did not use the sky cab. My wife thought one of our bags was over the 50 pounds weight limit. Then our friend also came over to join my wife questioning why I checked our bags myself and why did I want to save the tips and what was I htinking. I looked at how upset my wife was as she re-arranged the items between the bags and mainly kept quiet. In between her barrages, I told her that I did not know of her concerns and that it was not useful to keep on blaming me. After some internal deliberation on how to take the edge off their bewilderment, I prodded myself to agree with them that it was a better idea to use the sky cab even though I thought what I did was the best option when I chose it. I just wanted to get it done instead of waiting by the curb.

I checked my internal dialogue or the first movements of my hearts. I remained peaceful the whole time. I didn’t feel victimized. I felt sorry to cause my family and friends grief and I am sorry the sky cab did not get the tip. It was my perception that the web check-in counter folks felt threatened that their jobs might be lost to the web check-in. I felt compassion toward that as well.

I kept on thinking what I would do differently next time. Was I not observant enough? Was I stingy? Where was I lacking? If it happens again, I hope to do better but the net of it is that I felt good how I kept my cool and did not get insulted. I choose not to take other people’s words and actions as insults to me personally. This came from the “Four Agreements” book by Don Luis Miguel.

This morning, I told him I was angry about the way he treated me yesterday afternoon. I explained that I am able to help him formulate his response if I have an understanding of what he’s trying to express. I don’t think it is a waste of time to take a few minutes to organize his thoughts and explain his ideas to me before I try to type the response. I told him I thought it would have SAVED time.

The disagreement yesterday afternoon wasted about 45 minutes. I won’t calculate the angry hours I spent last night replaying the scene. The discussion this morning lasted almost a half an hour. I could have cut through all that nonsense with your three sentences!!!! Maybe you could change your publish date to MONDAY instead of Thursday, so I could use your wisdom all week long!!!