December 7, 2006Bah. Humbug.
We (elementary teachers) put on a Holiday concert every year for
parents. Every year we hear complaints about the venue, the seating, the sound system, the lack of parking, the costumes whatever you can find fault with we will hear about it.
Teachers take many hours to prepare for concerts. We do this for parents (not for us). Frankly many of us are “fed up” with it and do not feel as though our efforts are appreciated.
How could we relay to parents that this is their child’s day to shine,
(and that nothing else should shadow this -) and to keep with the holiday spirit and leave petty complaints at the door?
I know your advice will benefit many teachers out there.
Meryl Responds
I’d say,
- The Holiday concert is the result of many hours of effort by the children and teachers alike. It’s a labor of love that we embrace to give your children a chance to shine. We are proud of our children and the results of our hard work and hope it has added to your holiday season. If you appreciate the efforts, please be sure to let the children and teachers know.
I started with a version that spoke about the ratio of complaints to kudos, but decided it might be better to at least start with asking for what you want rather than putting attention on what you don’t want. You might suggest to whoever fields complaints that upon receiving complaints they say,
- I appreciate you taking the time to let me know. We’ll check into that for future productions. Let me ask you something. We receive more complaints than thanks about the concert, which makes us wonder if parents would prefer we discontinued them. Do you see value in the production?
That’s a non-shaming way to let them know the context their words are heard in and to invite them to tell you if they value them at all.
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It looks like the people who complain are missing the central point – it is the imperfections that make these performances precious.
For a perfect performance they can rent a movie. No parking space problem there!
Comment by Varsha — December 7, 2006 @ 1:17 pm
Meryl,
I so appreciate your response. Having been on both sides of the desk (teacher and parent,) I have felt those emotions and thoughts when it came to special events at school. Your suggestion can lead everyone to a “buy in.”
There is another way to state one of the sentences to appeal to a parent’s sense of pride in their child(ren.) “We are proud of your children and the results of their hard work. We all hope our efforts have added to your holiday season.”
I look forward to each week’s SpeakStrong. I find something in every issue to improve my own communication skills. It’s a pleasure to visit with you regularly.
Comment by Judy Phillips — December 7, 2006 @ 1:17 pm
For over 20 years, I have been to MANY school programs and have assisted (as a PTA member or classroom volunteer) in more than a couple. I can attest to the fact that teachers & staff do an AMAZING job with precious few resources, day in and day out. While I empathize with the teacher’s point of view, her words point out an important discrepancy — do they do programs for the parents or is all for the kids? I suggest that it is mostly for the kids, but also for the parents AND the teachers, too. (Actually, research bears out that students, parents, teachers and schools all benefit from these and other types of “parent involvement” efforts.)
Teachers are held accountable for all kinds of things that they have no control over. That, in my opinion, is the real issue here.
Perhaps a better response from the teachers might be to say to complainants: “If I had my wish, we’d use the Kennedy Center,” (or put in some local performing arts venue), “but we do the best we can. I hope you’ll take time to also let us know what you LIKE about our efforts. When teachers hear lots of complaints and few compliments, it discourages them from going to all the work and stress involved with producing such a performance when really, it is all done to benefit the kids.” This affirms that things aren’t always what we’d wish, lets the parents know what they really want, and places it in a larger framework of doing what’s good for kids.
Thanks, Meryl, for your wonderful newsletter and for the opportunity to learn and practice speaking strong.
Comment by Regina — December 10, 2006 @ 3:15 pm
Great suggestions from you all. The Kennedy Center suggestion got me thinking. of other over-the-top suggestions, like valet parking, caviar and…hmm – I don’t so enough high living to come up with more.
Comment by merylrunion — December 13, 2006 @ 11:22 am