December 7, 2006Thanks for Bringing That Up
Cliff thought Jason seemed offended by a political joke at the meeting, but he forgot about it until later when Jason told him he didn’t appreciate his sick, biased comment. Cliff began his response by saying,
- Thanks for bringing that up.
Jason’s complaint was testy and laced with a judgment, but Cliff chose to reinforce his appreciation of Jason for bringing the issue to his attention instead of staying silent and letting it fester. A PowerPhrase is targeted, and Cliff’s first priority is to make it safe for others to address issues. He knows even a rude comment to addresses an issue is a start.
December 7, 2006Relax
There is a poster that says,
- Relax
in big, stressed looking, scary letters. It’s a Poison Phrase when someone responds to a concern by telling that person to relax. It comes across as dismissive. A better approach is to address the cause of their stress, or let them vent a bit so they can relax.
December 7, 2006Bah. Humbug.
We (elementary teachers) put on a Holiday concert every year for
parents. Every year we hear complaints about the venue, the seating, the sound system, the lack of parking, the costumes whatever you can find fault with we will hear about it.
Teachers take many hours to prepare for concerts. We do this for parents (not for us). Frankly many of us are “fed up” with it and do not feel as though our efforts are appreciated.
How could we relay to parents that this is their child’s day to shine,
(and that nothing else should shadow this -) and to keep with the holiday spirit and leave petty complaints at the door?
I know your advice will benefit many teachers out there.
Meryl Responds
I’d say,
- The Holiday concert is the result of many hours of effort by the children and teachers alike. It’s a labor of love that we embrace to give your children a chance to shine. We are proud of our children and the results of our hard work and hope it has added to your holiday season. If you appreciate the efforts, please be sure to let the children and teachers know.
I started with a version that spoke about the ratio of complaints to kudos, but decided it might be better to at least start with asking for what you want rather than putting attention on what you don’t want. You might suggest to whoever fields complaints that upon receiving complaints they say,
- I appreciate you taking the time to let me know. We’ll check into that for future productions. Let me ask you something. We receive more complaints than thanks about the concert, which makes us wonder if parents would prefer we discontinued them. Do you see value in the production?
That’s a non-shaming way to let them know the context their words are heard in and to invite them to tell you if they value them at all.
December 7, 2006A New Life
You are changing my life. I come from a lifetime of living with a man (thank the Lord he left me after 25 years) who beat me down emotionally and I didn’t even know it. I was afraid to speak the truth because it might offend him. I have been unable to express myself and/or my feelings to anyone for 20 plus years, I was always afraid to anger those around me.
Not anymore; reading your weekly newsletter has helped me tremendously and has given me a sense of self worth. I can let those around me know what I am feeling and thinking without being afraid of being put down and without getting lost in the words. The ideas and suggestions that you give on how to say what you mean without offending anyone have opened doors for me that I thought would never open.
Thank you for all you do for those of us who have been silent for many years.
