January 31, 2007Superlative Performance Review Phrases: Authors Hope to Start a Trend
You’ve read them as they circulate the internet - actual performance review phrases that drip with sarcasm. For example:
1. “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig.”
2. “I would not allow this employee to breed.”
3. “This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won’t be.”
4. “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
5. “When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.”
6. “This person has delusions of adequacy.”
7. “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”
8. “This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
9. “This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better.”
10. “Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.”
11. “A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”
12. “He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.”
14. “I would like to go hunting with him sometime.”
15. “He’s been working with glue too much.”
16. “He would argue with a signpost.”
17. “He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”
18. “When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”
19. “If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.”
20. “A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”
21. “A prime candidate for natural de-selection.”
22. “Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”
23. “Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”
24. “He’s got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.”
25. “If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”
26. “If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”
27. “If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.”
28. “It’s hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.”
29. “One neuron short of a synapse.”
30. “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”
31. “Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes.”
32. “The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
While these are amusing, it’s telling that there are no such lists circulating describing exceptional performance - until now.
Penguin’s How to Say It(R) series has just released a performance review phrase book that includes “Bonus Superlative Phrases” for exceptional performance. The authors, Meryl Runion and Janelle Britton hope to start a trend of expressing appreciation for positive performance that is as over the top as the negative phrases so found. The complete list of bonus superlative phrases is available at www.howtosayit.com/bonus.
This list includes phrases such as:
1. Adaptability:Halfway there before others begin.
2. Accountability/Reliability:More reliable than death, taxes and Old Faithful.
3. Attitude: His/ Her ability to look on the bright side of any situation is illuminating.
4. Communication: Verbal: He could make Donald Trump be quiet and listen.
5. Communication: Written: Writes so well that even a procedures manual she wrote would be a page-turner.
6. Conflict Management: Could bring peace to the Middle East.
7. Cooperation and Teamwork: If the Chicago Cubs had him/her on the team, they would win the World Series.
7. Contributes to Team Goals: Brings home the whole pig, not just the bacon.
8. Diversity/Inclusiveness: Finds common ground in polar opposites.
9. Creativity: DaVinci would envy her.
The list will be updated periodically. To add your suggestions to the list, post it in a comment here.
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- 3 New Resources Are Available 2 DVDs and a Performance Review Phrase Book
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January 25, 2007Format Feedback
We’re tweaking the format to enhance readability and reduce individual problems. I welcome your feedback, and might ask you to communicate with my web designer if problems remain.
Also, my proofreader does a great job, but I make changes after she returns it, and errors creep in. I know accuracy is important and apologize for those errors. When readers point errors out, I make the corrections before I post the archive, (which I have been updating regularly lately.) Thanks for all your input.
January 25, 2007Medical Apartheid
Harriet Washington wrote a book called Medical Apartheid: The Dark History of Medical Experimentation on Black Americans from Colonial Times to the Present. It tells tales of unethical medical practices and experimentation that targeted blacks, prisoners and the poor. One was the Tuskegee Experiment where 400 black men with syphilis were studied over a period of 40 years, believing they were being treated when in fact they were not. The study was well known because it was reported on in medical journals. Many of these men died horrible deaths, but only two people objected. One was a physician, Dr. Schatz, who wrote, “I’m shocked and astonished that you are permitting these men to continue dying of a treatable disease.” He received no response.
Another objection was raised by a low-level Public Health Interviewer Peter Buxton, who questioned the experiment at the risk of his job. He wrote many letters, after which the doctors called him into a room where they all lectured him, explaining the scientific process and why they were right to do this. Buxton left public health, went to law school, and through his entire three years of law school kept writing these letters. When he got no response, when they gave him the same silent treatment Dr. Schatz had gotten, he called a journalist friend and the AP ran the story, which is how the study ended.
One of the lame excuses we use for not speaking up is, “no one else is saying anything.” It’s easy to trick ourselves into thinking the majority knows what’s right. History has proven that isn’t true. For the hundreds who knew and stayed silent, only two dared speak the truth. But thanks to the one who spoke and persisted, the abuse was discontinued. One person (you) can make a difference.
January 25, 2007We’re Sounding Adversarial
The conversation wasn’t going well. Charissa wanted to work with her husband to reach resolution, but it seemed she had triggered his defensiveness. She suggested,
- This is sounding more adversarial than problem-solving. Perhaps we should take a break.
By identifying the dynamic, Charissa and her husband were able to get beyond it…and to get back on the same team.
January 25, 2007We Forgot to Tell You…
It’s not so much a Poison Phrase but more of a communication faux pas.
Who you hear the truth from matters, and when many reservists heard their deployments were extended from their families because the guard neglected to notify the reservists themselves, it created awkwardness and bad feeling. This happened both in New Jersey and Minnesota. The guard leaders were appropriately apologetic.
Employees should not learn about layoffs from the media, managers should not learn about their employee errors from their own supervisors, and no one should have to learn they were passed over for a promotion from the person they were passed over for.
Who do you need to keep in the loop so they don’t feel like an afterthought when they find out elsewhere?
January 25, 2007Email Abuse
Meryl,
Do you have suggestions or guidelines on when electronic communications are used too much?
Meryl Responds
I talk about it in my PowerPhrases book.
If the goal is efficiency, email is perfect. If the goal is connection, email is a poor substitute for personal contact.
As soon as some tension is experienced, pick up the phone or walk over to talk directly. If you want to create a personal connection, pick up the phone or walk over to talk directly. If you want to stand out and make an impression, pick up the phone or walk over to talk directly – or send a card.
When deciding on your medium, ask yourself whether your priority is efficiency or connection and choose accordingly.
I hope this helps – let me know if you have a more specific question.
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Related posts which may interest you
- This Week in the World ~ Choosing the most effective way to communicate
- This Week in the World ~ don’t hang up while I insult you
- Inattention Deficit, Convenient Truth, Silenced by Fear of Political Incorrectness, Pick Up the Phone, Stay on Topic
- Obviously You Don’t Want to Talk to Me
- Ask Meryl: Guilt by Association
January 18, 2007When the Truth is Inconvenient
When the Truth is Inconvenient
“I know what I should have said when I introduced you yesterday,” Cindi informed me. She had all of ten minutes notice to prepare her introduction for me, and she did a great job, but I was curious to know what she would have said had she been given time to think about it.
“I’d say, ‘Meryl doesn’t just teach this stuff, she lives it. She always tells the truth, which I find…inconvenient.’” We both enjoyed a good laugh.
In the ten years of our friendship, there have been many opportunities to tell or not to tell - inconvenient truths. There have been moments of tension and discomfort. But in the end, our willingness to tell the truth has been the bedrock of our friendship.
Not everyone appreciates the “inconvenience” of friends who tell the truth - but my best friends come to decide it’s the quality of friendship they treasure most.
January 18, 2007You Are Not Entirely Without Blame
Dr. H. and I are both fans of the comic strip “For Better or Worse,” and way back last spring, we agreed that Elizabeth was going to end up with Anthony. Until recently it wasn’t looking so good for Anthony and Elizabeth since Elizabeth’s relationship with Paul was going strong. Then, last week Elizabeth dropped into town early and was shocked to find Paul with the teacher who had replaced her when she was transferred away. When Elizabeth complained about Paul’s betrayal to her host Gary, he told her,
- Elizabeth, you’re not entirely without blame here.
Gary went on to tell her how her actions set things in motion.
No one likes to hear how they created their own misery, and it’s a good friend who will tell them. I do recommend sensitively timing that kind of disclosure and delivering it with gentleness, but there are times when people need to hear about their own role in what happens to them.
January 18, 2007We Thought It Was None of Our Business
In the comic strip “For Better or Worse,” Elizabeth tells Vivian that she was shocked that the whole town knew of Paul’s relationship with Susan, her replacement teacher. Elizabeth asked, “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
Vivian replied,
- We thought it was none of our business.
If you are aware of a deception and you don’t speak up, you become complicit. I don’t recommend “tattling” without notice in most situations, but I do recommend telling the deceiver,
I’m not comfortable keeping your secret for you. When do you plan to tell her? Because if you don’t plan to tell her soon, as her friend, I will tell her myself.
January 18, 2007A Bit More Applause, Please
I was ready to strangle my boyfriend. He had just finished a meal I prepared for him and he said, “I have a suggestion for improving the casserole. You could add cream cheese.” It wasn’t that it was a bad suggestion, it’s just that after I go to the trouble of making dinner, I like hearing thanks more than suggestions, and he’s often pretty quick to make suggestions no matter what I do. I was ready to make an excuse to send him home like I usually do when I get mad, but I asked myself, ‘”what do I want him to do?” So I said, “I know your suggestion is intended to be helpful, but when I hear how I could improve, it makes me think I didn’t do things right. I’d like to hear more about what I do right and a bit less about how I could improve.” He thought about what I said and told me he thought dinner was great. I’m not sure he totally got what I was saying, but I’ll let him know again next time he does this.
