Comments on: An End to Hugs http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/01/11/an-end-to-hugs/ By Meryl Runion and SpeakStrong, Inc. Wed, 19 Nov 2008 17:52:13 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: Rosemary http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/01/11/an-end-to-hugs/#comment-934 Rosemary Mon, 29 Jan 2007 05:50:36 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/01/11/an-end-to-hugs/#comment-934 I can empathize with both sides of this issue. I am a person who gives, sometimes a bit too freely, hugs and I appreciate a good hug back. Part of this issue, I have found, is meeting the person 1/2 way and come to an understanding. In the past, when faced with this dilemma, I have found a degree of success when I have taken the initiative to ask if "they do hugs". I have found this opens the door for communication and if they are comfortable with a hug, this gives them permission and find they then initiate the hug/contact. If they are not comfortable with it, I acknowledge their response, and offer a handshake instead, (which is generally accepted as a universal greeting without fear of "invading the other person's space.) A suggestion to handle the next time you meet her; subtly use body language. If you were to stand at an angle to your husband's co-worker instead of face on, this may give you an opportunity to slow her down in her gesture. When she starts to go into "hug" mode, offer your hand in a handshake and politely tell her that you appreciate her hospitality when you visit, and that you are not the huggy type. This could bridge the gap for you in that if you are still offering your hand, this would provide a physical contact, minimal for you and yet still connecting for her. As you are shaking her hand, this is when you can state your preferences for greetings and salutations. By looking her straight in the eye, with a smile and holding her hand, she will hopefully take the message in a professional manner and realize that this is an appropriate style of greeting in this given situation. Realize that you need to take the initiative to deal with this situation, in a positive, enlightening manner. The longer you let it persist, the more resentment will build, and it will come out at a time when you may not be able to control the harm. Good Luck. I can empathize with both sides of this issue. I am a person who gives, sometimes a bit too freely, hugs and I appreciate a good hug back. Part of this issue, I have found, is meeting the person 1/2 way and come to an understanding. In the past, when faced with this dilemma, I have found a degree of success when I have taken the initiative to ask if “they do hugs”. I have found this opens the door for communication and if they are comfortable with a hug, this gives them permission and find they then initiate the hug/contact. If they are not comfortable with it, I acknowledge their response, and offer a handshake instead, (which is generally accepted as a universal greeting without fear of “invading the other person’s space.)

A suggestion to handle the next time you meet her; subtly use body language. If you were to stand at an angle to your husband’s co-worker instead of face on, this may give you an opportunity to slow her down in her gesture. When she starts to go into “hug” mode, offer your hand in a handshake and politely tell her that you appreciate her hospitality when you visit, and that you are not the huggy type. This could bridge the gap for you in that if you are still offering your hand, this would provide a physical contact, minimal for you and yet still connecting for her. As you are shaking her hand, this is when you can state your preferences for greetings and salutations. By looking her straight in the eye, with a smile and holding her hand, she will hopefully take the message in a professional manner and realize that this is an appropriate style of greeting in this given situation.

Realize that you need to take the initiative to deal with this situation, in a positive, enlightening manner. The longer you let it persist, the more resentment will build, and it will come out at a time when you may not be able to control the harm.

Good Luck.

]]> By: Susan http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/01/11/an-end-to-hugs/#comment-867 Susan Thu, 11 Jan 2007 19:07:37 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/01/11/an-end-to-hugs/#comment-867 I had two thoughts to this. One, I thought maybe you could hint around that it's cold and flu season and for that reason, you are not hugging. Most people seem considerate and understanding when you explain that the safeguard is for their health as well as your own. It may seem like a silly white lie, but perhaps it may buy you more time as you try to evade the hugging. My second thought is -- life is short. It's just a hug and it's over just as soon as it begins. I, too, am not a hugger but I am trying to embrace (ha ha) the thought that some people are naturally affectionate people. I am not one of them, and I too sometimes cringe when I anticipate a hug is coming from someone I'm not close to. My close friend, however, has a two-year-old son who I love to hug! It struck me that someday he too will cringe from my hugs...the same way I did (when I was little) when I was told "Go hug your Auntie goodbye." I now see how much the other person really enjoys a hug. So, it's changed my outlook a little. Just remember how good it is making that other person feel and maybe it'll change your view too. I had two thoughts to this. One, I thought maybe you could hint around that it’s cold and flu season and for that reason, you are not hugging. Most people seem considerate and understanding when you explain that the safeguard is for their health as well as your own. It may seem like a silly white lie, but perhaps it may buy you more time as you try to evade the hugging.

My second thought is — life is short. It’s just a hug and it’s over just as soon as it begins.

I, too, am not a hugger but I am trying to embrace (ha ha) the thought that some people are naturally affectionate people. I am not one of them, and I too sometimes cringe when I anticipate a hug is coming from someone I’m not close to.

My close friend, however, has a two-year-old son who I love to hug! It struck me that someday he too will cringe from my hugs…the same way I did (when I was little) when I was told “Go hug your Auntie goodbye.” I now see how much the other person really enjoys a hug. So, it’s changed my outlook a little. Just remember how good it is making that other person feel and maybe it’ll change your view too.

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