January 18, 2007A Bit More Applause, Please
I was ready to strangle my boyfriend. He had just finished a meal I prepared for him and he said, “I have a suggestion for improving the casserole. You could add cream cheese.” It wasn’t that it was a bad suggestion, it’s just that after I go to the trouble of making dinner, I like hearing thanks more than suggestions, and he’s often pretty quick to make suggestions no matter what I do. I was ready to make an excuse to send him home like I usually do when I get mad, but I asked myself, ‘”what do I want him to do?” So I said, “I know your suggestion is intended to be helpful, but when I hear how I could improve, it makes me think I didn’t do things right. I’d like to hear more about what I do right and a bit less about how I could improve.” He thought about what I said and told me he thought dinner was great. I’m not sure he totally got what I was saying, but I’ll let him know again next time he does this.
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She could tell him as I told my husband, if you don’t like the menu or the recipe, then you’ll need to cook it. it’s surprising how many meals he’ll cook now just so he can add what he wants.
Comment by Amy R. — January 18, 2007 @ 3:55 pm
You were right on the mark when you told him how his comment made you feel. There are counsellors out there who make big money by making couples aware of how comments or actions make them feel. And, when dealing with Martians, we do have to try to understand how they think (or if they are thinking at all). I would think that your boyfriend thought he was “helping” when he criticized the casserole. Kudos to you for thinking before you addressed his comment!
Comment by Joan Schliewenz — January 22, 2007 @ 10:22 am