February 1, 2007Handling Interruptions
Meryl,
Recently I’ve experienced a barrage of interruptions when I’m talking to someone at work. I’ll be involved in a conversation with someone, including my boss in his office, and someone will interrupt the conversation to talk with the person to whom I’m talking. Some of the interrupters are people of a higher rank in the company than I am, and others are on the same level.
When these things happen, I’m disturbed both by the discourtesy of the person interrupting and by the accepting of the situation by the person to whom I was talking.
I’d like to Speak Strong when this happens but am unsure how to do so without either sounding petty or “shooting myself in the foot” professionally. Any thoughts?
Meryl Responds
This is trickier than it would be if they were interrupting to speak with you, but here are some options.
If it happens frequently with the same person, after an interruption, say to that person,
- I’d like for us to decide on some kind of protocol for when our conversations are interrupted? I’d speak for myself, but since you outrank me and many of the interrupters do too, it doesn’t seem appropriate. It’s a very uncomfortable situation for me and I’d like to work out a game plan about how to handle those interruptions with you. Are you open to brainstorming with me?
You also can bow out every time it happens. You can say,
- I’ll get back to my work. Let me know when you’re ready for me again.
Or you can tell this person after the offense:
- I notice when we are interrupted the conversation defers to the interrupter. I feel uncomfortable when this happens, so when it happens in the future I’ll bow out and wait for you to call me in. Does that work for you?
Or:
- I notice when we are interrupted the conversation defers to the interrupter. I feel uncomfortable when this happens, so when it happens in the future I’d like it if you could ask the interrupter to pause long enough for us to figure out when we will continue our conversation. Does that work for you?
Of course, if you have a casual relationship with either of the people you can feign playful exaggerated indignance and say,
- Hey. He was talking to me!
I’m sure my readers will have more.
6 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post.
| TrackBack URI
You can also bookmark
this on del.icio.us or check the cosmos
On choosing to bow out, I have been blamed for holding back information. On pointing out that the listener’s choice at the time of the interruption was the cause, I got a “You should have interrupted back. You should learn to assert yourself”.
Ever since, I send an email if possible. I also try to say something like this while bowing out – “What I have to say is important and not knowing it may send you off in the wrong direction. Since this interruption seems to be urgent, I will leave it to you to pick an agreeable time to discuss it and come over to my office.”
Comment by Varsha — February 1, 2007 @ 4:05 pm
Usually when I need to talk to someone without interruptions I close the door.
She could approach it as “I would like to share some views would you mind if I close the door so we are not interrupted”
I do like your suggestions I just thought I would add another in case this person does not like confrontation.
Comment by Debra Peterson — February 5, 2007 @ 8:43 am
I would like to know what to do when your stepson interrupts you. This aggravates me to no end but I am not sure how to handle it. No matter what the subject he knows everything and we can not carry on a conversation with him around. He butts in and tells you how whatever you are talking about is wrong. This doesn’t happen occasionally, it happens everytime he is in the room. Which is all the time!
I told my husband the other day I miss our talks. His son is very argumentative, and very rude. It doesn’t help matters that he doesn’t like me at all.
I can’t go into our bedroom and have peace because he just follows us in there, and when I expressed to my husband that I needed a room where I could have privacy he said that he couldn’t tell his son that he couldn’t come into his bedroom.
Help!!!!!!!!
Comment by Barbara — February 8, 2007 @ 11:26 am
I have a young man in my youth group who interrupts and has a big superiority complex. I have the idea that he needs to be taught manners in these two areas. When this boy is my responsibility, I have found ways to speak strong and say something like, “We really need to speak privately, without interruptions. Please wait over there for me.” Or, “Do you have a quick question, because we are having a conversation.”
I have decided that when this boy is being arrogant, I should say something about how disrespectful it sounds for him to correct others, especially adults.
You and your husband should set up some ground rules for yourselves so that you can discipline the stepson the same way all the time. You can try the above phrases, too, to see how they work in your situation.
My husband and I have rules about our bedroom for our two sons, ages 17 and 13). They aren’t supposed to be in our room unless we give them permission. They knock when we are in the room and one of us can meet them at the door if we want to head them off. Otherwise we invite them to come in.
You do need some place where you can retreat from the world, whether the problem is this boy or a bad day at work.
All the best!
Comment by Iris — February 13, 2007 @ 11:13 am
How old is your stepson? Maybe instead of seeking a power phrase….you need to ask yourself why is his actions bothering you? Why doe he need to interupt? Is he a teen ager? Maybe he just is going through a stage. Is he disrespectful to you? Pull out a power phrase….
Is there something else? Maybe you need to pay attention.
Just a thought.
Comment by PM — February 13, 2007 @ 6:42 pm
Barbara, I would say your issue is with your husband. You need to come to an understanding and agreement of what boundaries you will implement to respect your right to feel at home in your home. The remark that your husband can’t tell his son that he can’t come into your bedroom sounds like a serious red flag to me. He can and he needs to. Please get help with this. I would imagine your husband has some guilt around his son. That’s the armchair psychologist talking. I’d like to hear what a real one (or a real counselor) would say. I say the situation is completely unacceptable and doesn’t work for any of you as it it.
Comment by merylrunion — February 14, 2007 @ 11:51 am