February 1, 2007Unsolicited Advice
“You read the article too,” Joannie, the clerk at the Medicine Shoppe remarked. There has been a run on white iodine in Colorado Springs since Heloise recommended it for brittle nails last week. Joannie had sold her last one, but went on to say, “I can tell you what works for my nails. I take gelatin every day and my nails never break.”
I wasn’t looking for nutritional advice, I was looking for white iodine, but I decided to research Joannie’s suggestion.
My research on gelatin uncovered a controversy. The initial articles debunked the “myth” of gelatin. Then I discovered a wealth of personal posts from people who swear it works. Eventually I was able to find scientific articles that support the idea that gelatin is effective.
Unsolicited advice can be tricky. People might not appreciate it, what works for you might not work for them, and people can find something that debunks every suggestion you could make.
Does that mean Joannie was wrong to give me advice I never asked for? No. It means she took a risk to give it, but she wasn’t wrong. Joannie told me what worked for her. It’s up to me to decide what to do with it.
When I gave a friend unsolicited advice yesterday, I requested permission first. I asked, “Can I tell you what I would tell you if you were asking my advice?” She granted me permission and took the input to heart.
It’s too soon to tell if my friend will apply my advice, and it’s too soon to tell if gelatin will help my nails. But my friend said it helped her think about the situation, and I’ve been making some soup broths my grandmother would be proud of.
Have a great week, and share what works for you with others.
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I really enjoy the articles. I do have a questtion are we talking about gelatin pills. I have seen them at the store. 0r do we get them at a health store? I also heared that they work. Thank you for sharing.
Comment by Lupe Jones — February 1, 2007 @ 3:16 pm
The best way is to make a soup stock by boiling bones and other parts of animals we usually discard, but you also can get it at a health food store or grocery - Knox gelatin is classic. They have one made for nails but it is twice the price and contains undesirable additives, and the plain gelatin taste fine mixed with water. Let me know how it works for you!
Comment by merylrunion — February 1, 2007 @ 7:56 pm
I’m an absolute believer that words are powerful. They can build up and they can tear down. Literally. Relationships and nations. I’ve found a phrase that I learned as a young teacher that has been helpful in many situations. When tacklinga problem with folks who have differing opinions, sometimes strident ones, I beging with that creative problem solving phrase . . .
“In what ways can WE . . .”
I’ve found that inclusive word “We” that also suggests we are on an equal plane, equally validated and value, and our ideas, also, helps to calm the waters. We then focus on the problem, looking at its parts and then the resources we have to deal with it.
As a writer of mystery novels, I am always conscious of the power of the words from my characters, which convey their inner emotions and conflicts, without stating the actual, “I’m mad or angry or upset.”
It’s the “because” explanation that then can lead to some understanding and the path to resolution, if that’s called for in the scene.
Yours in mystery and word-dom,
Pat Harrington
When
Comment by Patricia Harrington — February 15, 2007 @ 12:28 pm
When my wife and I got married, she weighed about 15-20 pounds lighter than she does today. It does bother me and I’ve attempted to talk to her about it. She gets very upset because, as you say, it’s unsolicited advice. It affects our physical relationship and probably more, I’m not sure. So, how would you approach the subject?
Comment by Jim Erickson — March 2, 2007 @ 8:58 am
Jim, it’s hard to know what to say since I don’t know what about it bothers you. Before you speak, be sure you know. I would imagine some of your concerns are for her and some are for you. I would imagine some are more noble and some are more self-serving. So own them all when you talk. You may need to confess to some judgments you’re not proud of, and some concern that reflect your deep love for her. Whatever you discover, when you speak of it, be clear what you hope to accomplish. Do you want to open up to a new level of honesty? Do you want to get past something that has become a barrier? Do you want her to take better care of herself because of how much you love her and want her around and well? Whatever the goal is, keep your eye on it. approach the topic from the perspective of disclosure rather than advice, and think as a team rather than you against her.
Good luck! I’d love to get a success story and give you a Pippi award.
Comment by merylrunion — March 8, 2007 @ 8:42 am