February 8, 2007Settle Down
Mindy forwarded a customer request to the appropriate vendor. When she did not receive a response within ten days, she emailed him again telling him what action she would take if she did not receive a response by the end of the week. Her rep responded,
- Settle down. I will get it to you soon. I have been on the road. May be next Monday before I can get it to you.
His words “settle down” had the opposite effect. The Poison Phrase implied that she was overreacting, which she was not. Mindy responded by forwarding the communication to the rep’s manager to resolve.
Learn more about PoisonPhrases in How to Use PowerPhrases. http://www.speakstrong.com/store.html
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May I suggest to first start the communication with a telephone call following the same request via email, and leaving a voicemail (if not available) to the vendor stating your request. That way your request is documented two ways. This procedure gets a response more readily. Moving forward to addressing the poison phrase issue, I would suggest Meryl’s format in calling her personally and stating that the phrase “settle down” sounds patronizing and impatience for your need in resolving this issue after 10 days, did you mean it that way. If she still responds defensive, you can go one step further in saying If it’s worth you saying or making a point, its worth you getting an answer.
Comment by Cindy Washam — February 8, 2007 @ 10:22 am
I have a question.
I received a similar email from a travel clerk.
The clerk is a loud, vulgar bully who wanted to get our attention.
She wanted my staff to do her travelers’ claim first.
So she started her email by saying “there are travel checks missing”!
I responded “Calm yourself” and went on to explain that the checks for her department’s travelers were not yet printed. She forwarded my response to a politically volitale Deputy Director who complained to my Department Director that I shouldn’t make such a comment.
The travel clerk already had access into the municipal financial software and could inquire and locate the status of the traveler’s claim.
My division prints and distributes all the borough checks and vendor checks. If someone tells me that “checks are missing” then I am responsible for initiating an investigation by calling the police. Then we are all questioned and a report is filed. The travel clerk did not know the implication of her careless words.
Politically affiliated employees show so much contempt for their co-workers and will over exaggerate any mild comment on their self control.
How do you get across to these bullies that their careless words will have repercussions they couldn’t image?
Comment by Dorothy Savok — February 15, 2007 @ 3:46 pm
Dorothy, I have a plethora of phrases to acknowledge someone’s aggressive comment without agreeing with it in the book PowerPhrases. Phrases like, “I can tell this is upsetting to you,” or, “It sounds like you’re anxious to get your payment.” Or you could just respond with the facts without any acknowledgment of her tone.
I agree that if a comment like that initiates a police investigation, they need to be told. The phrase I like for comments like that are, “You may not be aware that…” And I’m sure they aren’t and need to be made aware. Just watch out for anything that suggests that they are out of control – unless they over-the-top are.
Comment by merylrunion — February 21, 2007 @ 3:43 pm
Settle Down can work if used appropriately in the right context. I think if you are with a group of 7 year olds and they are all jumping around and out of hand, something along the lines of “Let’s settle down children and get to work on xyz” may be appropriate. I used settle down once with an adult. It was a personal relationship. The adult was indeed acting very much like a 7 year old at the time and I asked him to settle down. I was reminded for the next 4 years of the relationship that I used settle down. I had apologized profusely for using it in a context that he did not feel was appropriate for the situation. No matter how I tried to explain myself he did not understand my frame of reference or context. I don’t consider “settle down” a poison phrase all the time…but may be best avoided unless the audience is receptive to that phrase without taking umbrage.
Comment by Tina Metallo — March 12, 2007 @ 12:09 pm
I agree, Tina, it’s not always a Poison Phrase. It does depend on context and intent. When I list Poison Phrases it’s not to ban these words for all time, but it’s to help people be aware what’s going on when their words backfire so they can make another choice.
Comment by merylrunion — March 14, 2007 @ 8:15 am