February 8, 2007Weight Comments
Meryl,
I am in my late fifties, overweight, and doing something about it, which is not anyone’s business but mine unless I choose to share. Stairs are challenging to me; I often get out of breath, especially if I take them too fast, and sometimes my knees hurt. I usually avoid them when possible. This morning, in the interest of fitness, I decided to take the stairs up two floors instead of the elevator. There was no one on the staircase, and I was moving at a pace that was comfortable for me. It was leisurely but not excessively slow. I was not huffing and puffing, gasping, or showing any signs of difficulty or distress. I wasn’t blocking the staircase either – I’m not that big.
I was actually feeling good about being able to climb stairs without too much discomfort or difficulty, when a woman coworker entered the staircase about half a flight below me. She said to me, jokingly, “Keep walking. Keep walking.” I paused and said “Excuse me?” She repeated, “Keep walking. Keep walking.” I replied “I was just thinking how nice it was to go at my own pace without being rushed.” She replied “Don’t worry. It will get better” – implying that I wanted to go faster but couldn’t. While her words and tone were pleasant, and perhaps she only meant to be friendly, I felt patronized. I felt it was rude that she even made a comment. We are acquaintances, not good friends; she doesn’t know me well enough to joke with me about my physical condition. How could I have responded to regain my dignity and let her know that I prefer to decide for myself how fast to walk?
Meryl Responds
I agree, she lacked tact. And I also agree she probably meant to be friendly and had no idea her words were not encouraging.
Personally I would think the most dignified response would be to let it go. Or you could have said,
I believe your intent is to encourage me, but I do need to tell you I feel very good about what I’m doing.
Hey, congrats for taking the stairs. Readers?
You don’t have to put up with put downs. My book PowerPhrases lists numerous phrases to deal with side swipes, sarcasm and digs.
February 8, 2007Check with Me First
My husband copied me on a note he sent to a colleague inviting him to dinner. My reptilian response was: (add sarcasm) would you mind checking with me first before you offer to have people over for dinner?
My preference is that in the future you check with me before offering to have someone for dinner, and I will do the same for you. Does that sound ok?
I’m learning.
February 8, 2007How to Say It Amazon Review Contest Offers Possible 10:1 ROI (Return on Investment)
Here’s your chance to read my latest book and possibly earn 10:1 on your book investment. My coauthor Janelle Brittain and I are offering a $100 prize to the person who orders How to Say It: Performance Reviews on Amazon and writes the review by April 1st that is judged to be the best.
Already have the book? No problem, we don’t plan to penalize anyone for being early. Go ahead and write the review anyway, and let us know how to contact you.
The best review will convey the benefits and applicability of the book in a way that would make readers want to buy it. It’s a great opportunity to practice your PowerPhrases.
The winning review will be determined by a combination of reader votes, Amazon ratings on “was this review helpful to you,” and the determination of a panel of judges of my choosing.
Join the fun and just maybe you will receive a $100 prize.
(Do you think you deserve a free review copy because you can get the book exposure in your blog or your company? Email me and tell me why, and I’ll consider sending you one.)
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- “The Secret” Influence, Practice Makes Permanent, Amazon Outlook Is Good
February 1, 2007Unsolicited Advice
“You read the article too,” Joannie, the clerk at the Medicine Shoppe remarked. There has been a run on white iodine in Colorado Springs since Heloise recommended it for brittle nails last week. Joannie had sold her last one, but went on to say, “I can tell you what works for my nails. I take gelatin every day and my nails never break.”
I wasn’t looking for nutritional advice, I was looking for white iodine, but I decided to research Joannie’s suggestion.
My research on gelatin uncovered a controversy. The initial articles debunked the “myth” of gelatin. Then I discovered a wealth of personal posts from people who swear it works. Eventually I was able to find scientific articles that support the idea that gelatin is effective.
Unsolicited advice can be tricky. People might not appreciate it, what works for you might not work for them, and people can find something that debunks every suggestion you could make.
Does that mean Joannie was wrong to give me advice I never asked for? No. It means she took a risk to give it, but she wasn’t wrong. Joannie told me what worked for her. It’s up to me to decide what to do with it.
When I gave a friend unsolicited advice yesterday, I requested permission first. I asked, “Can I tell you what I would tell you if you were asking my advice?” She granted me permission and took the input to heart.
It’s too soon to tell if my friend will apply my advice, and it’s too soon to tell if gelatin will help my nails. But my friend said it helped her think about the situation, and I’ve been making some soup broths my grandmother would be proud of.
Have a great week, and share what works for you with others.
February 1, 2007I Am Always Learning Something
The week before last, I received a thank-you note from someone for information I shared at a meeting. I noticed this man had personalized printed thank-you notes, which suggested to me that he sent out a lot of them. Good move.
Last week, a friend sent me an email about how she appreciated something I had said. She told me,
- I always learn something about myself whenever I interact with you. Today, your words of wisdom about always having a ‘choice’ in dealing with your son was very helpful.
It means a lot to people to have their contributions acknowledged, and by making the acknowledgement specific, my friend made it more powerful.
February 1, 2007You’re Broke, Aren’t You?
It was a prosperity seminar. Someone raised his hand to ask a question about a comment the leader made that didn’t sound right to him.
The leader responded with,
-You’re broke, aren’t you?
The implication was that only unsuccessful people would question what he said.
I wonder how many people held their questions after that put-down. It sounded like a classic attempt to silence dissent by attacking the credibility of the questioner.
February 1, 2007Handling Interruptions
Meryl,
Recently I’ve experienced a barrage of interruptions when I’m talking to someone at work. I’ll be involved in a conversation with someone, including my boss in his office, and someone will interrupt the conversation to talk with the person to whom I’m talking. Some of the interrupters are people of a higher rank in the company than I am, and others are on the same level.
When these things happen, I’m disturbed both by the discourtesy of the person interrupting and by the accepting of the situation by the person to whom I was talking.
I’d like to Speak Strong when this happens but am unsure how to do so without either sounding petty or “shooting myself in the foot” professionally. Any thoughts?
Meryl Responds
This is trickier than it would be if they were interrupting to speak with you, but here are some options.
If it happens frequently with the same person, after an interruption, say to that person,
- I’d like for us to decide on some kind of protocol for when our conversations are interrupted? I’d speak for myself, but since you outrank me and many of the interrupters do too, it doesn’t seem appropriate. It’s a very uncomfortable situation for me and I’d like to work out a game plan about how to handle those interruptions with you. Are you open to brainstorming with me?
You also can bow out every time it happens. You can say,
- I’ll get back to my work. Let me know when you’re ready for me again.
Or you can tell this person after the offense:
- I notice when we are interrupted the conversation defers to the interrupter. I feel uncomfortable when this happens, so when it happens in the future I’ll bow out and wait for you to call me in. Does that work for you?
Or:
- I notice when we are interrupted the conversation defers to the interrupter. I feel uncomfortable when this happens, so when it happens in the future I’d like it if you could ask the interrupter to pause long enough for us to figure out when we will continue our conversation. Does that work for you?
Of course, if you have a casual relationship with either of the people you can feign playful exaggerated indignance and say,
- Hey. He was talking to me!
I’m sure my readers will have more.
February 1, 2007I Am Not My Hair Color
My wife is a redhead. She is getting frustrated after years of continual comments linking her hair color with anger or other negative characteristics. In our discussions I considered the process -acknowledge the person’s direction, state your own and give an alternative. I came up with “I realize you’re having some fun, but I’ve been listening to shots about my red hair all my life and I still don’t find them funny. Will you think twice before you have another go?”
Yesterday one of our grandchildren, a 15 month-old, was exhibiting some stubbornness. A friend linked her attitude to her rich golden-red hair. My wife gave the phrase a try. It didn’t come out word perfect but the result was an immediate and profuse apology which was received and accepted with appreciation.
I think we’ll be teaching our grandchild some power phrases as soon as she learns to talk.
