March 29, 2007Emotional Market Value / Edwards Announcement
If you love words like I do, you’ll have fun with the Headline Analyzer provided by the Advanced Marketing Institute. I spent an entire afternoon ranking a promotional piece I was writing to get the highest “Emotional Marketing Value” score on each sentence. (I know, I know, I need to get a life.) I often increased my score by editing out words. If you’ve read your PowerPhrases book or heard me speak, you already know that PowerPhrases are short. So are headlines with high emotional marketing value. Play with the tool too. It will help you add impact to your words.
Speaking of emotional marketing value, mixed in with the bipartisan sympathy for Elizabeth Edwards’ announcement of recurring cancer were accusations that the Edwards’ were going for the sympathy vote. If that was their intent, it worked - donations have sky-rocketed.
Personally, I don’t see how they could have handled the disappointing news with more class. I found the Edwards’s press conference announcing her health issues to be a stellar example of Speaking Strong. It was straight forward, it anticipated and answered questions, and their love for each other was obvious without being over-displayed. There was no sense of denial or any sense of self pity. I only wish my late husband and I had gone through his illness with that kind of openness and courage. I thank them for modeling what it can look like to need to share this kind of news and face this kind of challenge.
I’m big on finding the best words, but always remember: the most powerful words come from the sincere expression of what is in your own heart. You touch others when you share your humanity.
March 29, 2007When Words Don’t Match the Tone
Something didn’t feel right when Jan said she could complete the project by Friday, so Roxie responded,
- Your words say that will work but your tone is suggests it won’t. What’s going on?
It turned out that Jan felt pressured to agree to the deadline but was overloaded and wasn’t sure she could meet the deadline. Roxie was glad she found out in time to plan around Jan’s schedule.
March 29, 2007Don’t
(From my book PowerPhrases.) Walking down the isle of the seminar room in Amarillo Texas, I said to myself,
- Don’t call it Armadillo.
I opened my mouth in the front of the room and announced,
- I’m glad to be in Armadillo.
My audience did not seem amused.
My mind didn’t hear the “don’t.” That’s why I say PowerPhrases talk more about what you want than what you don’t want.
www.speakstrong.com
March 29, 2007If That Means Anything to You
Meryl,
I searched through past Poison Phrases and I don’t see one I detest—
- If that means anything to you.
Do you agree that this is a slap in the face, when the speaker adds this phrase when answering my question? How should I respond?
Meryl Responds
It certainly can be a Poison Phrase. It can sound condescending because it implies you don’t know anything at all. It could simply be an attempt to ask if their answer made sense, but I can understand the trigger you experienced.
I often respond to what I believe to be the intent of a comment rather than the poor wording. If this comment were spoken to me with goodwill, I’d answer as if they had asked – “Was my answer clear?”
If I thought it was intended as a put-down, I might ask,
- It sounds like you’re suggesting I don’t know anything about this topic. Is that your intent?
Or,
- Are you aware of how dismissive that comment sounds?
I have some people in my life I can easily tell when their word choice triggers me – and they return the favor. In those cases, it’s not a big deal at all.
March 22, 2007The Invitation of a Fake Smile
He may be smiling, but does he mean it? She says she’s okay with everything, but is her smile genuine? Many people will hide behind accepting words and fake smiles. When I think a smile may be insincere, I try to get behind it. I will give every opening I can think of to invite the truth. I have been thanked for calling people on their fake smiles and inviting them to be genuine.
However, according to the BBC “spot the fake smile test,” I’m not as good at spotting a fake smile as I thought I was. Take the test, and when you discover your results, read the smile-spotting tips at the bottom of the webpage.
In order to Speak Strong, it’s important to know the difference between a true expression of pleasure and a feigned one. A fake smile can be an invitation to keep talking until you get to the heart of every matter. It can be an invitation to keep going until you get a genuine smile.
March 22, 2007What Else Could it Be?
Dr. Jerome Groopman teaches people to communicate with their doctors in the book, How Doctors Think. If the diagnosis doesn’t seem to fit or symptoms persist, he recommends patients ask,
What else could it be?
And,
- Could it be two things – (their diagnosis) and something else? (If you watch House on TV, you know how often that happens.;-))
He also suggests if you think the doctor doesn’t like you, say:
- I feel like we’re not connecting well.
That can either get you connecting or get you a referral to someone you can connect with.
March 22, 2007Weren’t You Listening?
When Al asked a question about an apparent contradiction between training instruction and application, his manager said,
- Weren’t you listening?
Clearly he was listening, which is why he noticed the contradiction. The Poison Phrase made Al reluctant to ask question in the future…until he addressed the issue with his manager. (Go Al!)
Don’t be a victim of Poison Phrases. How to Use PowerPhrases. tells you how to respond.
March 22, 2007When Other People Are Angry
Meryl,
While I need a lot of improvement over all with my communication my greatest source of frustration in communicating comes when I have to deal with two other people who are angry with each other. When it’s me and someone else being angry with each other at least I have control over one of the parties.
What do you do when (through no choice of your own) you’re in the middle of very angry exchanges between two other people? What do you say that can effectively get them to take the time to cool down?
Meryl Responds
Say,
- As angry as you are with each other, I believe you can reach resolution, but not with this kind of communication. Let’s take a ten minute break and meet again with an eye for finding common ground and moving forward.
If it continues, speak from your own perspective. Say,
- It’s important to me that this issue be resolved, and I don’t see that happening with the way this conversation is going. Let’s meet again at (time) and see if we can improve the tone.
Another phrase that might be useful to you is:
- That’s not helping.
I hope this helps. We can dialog about it more if you like. Check the blog for reader comments.
March 22, 2007A Peaceful Trip Home
Okay, we are all back from our Spring Break, vacations, retreats, etc. etc. I have a point of information to share with your readers.
We (three ladies) were sitting in front of a Boy Scout troop on our way back from Florida. They were an active rambunctious crew, the problem was that they were very loud, pushing our seats to the point of distraction, and clearly making a nuisance of themselves. I was very tired from my week long trip (I got away to relax) so the last day, and crowded flight wasn’t helping.
I asked them once to refrain from pushing our seats that we were in nap mode to DFW.
Well, 2 hours into the flight, I just couldn’t take it anymore, I excused myself to go to the restroom scoping out the “trip leaders” positions on the plane, and thinking what I was going to tell the young men.
On my way back I leaned down in their seat assignments, and very firmly said,
- I had indicated earlier the desire not to have my seat bumped around, and you gentlemen have not respected that. If I knew where to talk to your troop leader, I certainly would.
I told them they should show respect for the confinements of a plane, and act accordingly. Okay, whoever gets in plane with this troop the next time, should have a pleasant trip. The rest of the trip was just fine. Power Phrases do work, even to the point of exasperation.
March 15, 2007Go for the Sizzle but Avoid the Smoke
During a conversation on writing copy and self-promotional materials, a friend mentioned loving a political pundit who is well-known for her caustic denigration of anyone who disagrees with her positions. He told me, “She really says what she means.” I differ. My response to him was, “I don’t believe she says what she means. I believe she says what she thinks will serve her and her handlers.
I’m all for emphasizing the sizzle on the steak, but when it starts to become smoke that obscures rather than clarifies, I don’t endorse it or want to practice it myself.”
PowerPhrases are about clarity. I endorse putting your best foot forward, not putting a false front forward.
I just watched The Smartest Guys in the Room about the Enron debacle. The documentary illustrates how so many can buy into smoke and mirrors and stop asking questions. Colin Whitehead, a former Enron trader said, “I didn’t ask questions because I didn’t want answers.” Former Enron VP Sharon Watson said, “I couldn’t believe so many people were going along.” They went along because, like Rod Stewart in his hit song, they were looking for a “Reason to Believe.”
I advocate persuasion based on clarity. Political wordsmith Frank Luntz author of the book Words That Work is good at what he does but has a different definition of what it means for words to work than I do. Some define words that work as whatever gets people to do what you want, even when your words mislead. Enron’s Jeffrey Skilling found words that worked when he encouraged employees to keep their Enron stock while he was dumping his. Skilling’s words do not qualify as PowerPhrases.
Go ahead and point out how the steak sizzles. But stop short of smoke and mirrors. The truth has more lasting value, and you get to keep your soul when you tell it.
