Comments on: I will not respond until you treat me with respect. http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/i-will-not-respond-until-you-treat-me-with-respect/ By Meryl Runion and SpeakStrong, Inc. Thu, 28 Aug 2008 18:33:32 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.1 By: LaMoor http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/i-will-not-respond-until-you-treat-me-with-respect/#comment-38367 LaMoor Wed, 13 Feb 2008 18:58:20 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/i-will-not-respond-until-you-treat-me-with-respect/#comment-38367 I like the response. I like the response.

]]> By: Cindy Mueller http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/i-will-not-respond-until-you-treat-me-with-respect/#comment-1092 Cindy Mueller Wed, 28 Mar 2007 16:55:34 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/i-will-not-respond-until-you-treat-me-with-respect/#comment-1092 I used to pride myself on my rapid-fire "entertaining" responses to other people. I never realized that I was using my sarcasm or cleverness as a defense mechanism. I just knew that I felt like many transactions were too superficial and left me feeling empty. After a few years, I made a decision to change my behavior. I still catch myself using the crutch on occasion, but awareness is the first step in fixing the problem, right? I no longer panic at the pause between the other person's comment and my response. I used to feel compelled to whip out a clever reply. I'm getting more comfortable with pauses and time to think. It can be scary to allow yourself to be vulnerable and open in communication. It feels much safer to hide behind a snappy facade and clever repartee, without regard for what the other person is feeling. It must feel a lot like disrespect to be on the receiving end. I like to think that Pippi and I are working together in search of a comfortable middle ground -- honest, open, true communication. I used to pride myself on my rapid-fire “entertaining” responses to other people. I never realized that I was using my sarcasm or cleverness as a defense mechanism. I just knew that I felt like many transactions were too superficial and left me feeling empty. After a few years, I made a decision to change my behavior. I still catch myself using the crutch on occasion, but awareness is the first step in fixing the problem, right? I no longer panic at the pause between the other person’s comment and my response. I used to feel compelled to whip out a clever reply. I’m getting more comfortable with pauses and time to think.

It can be scary to allow yourself to be vulnerable and open in communication. It feels much safer to hide behind a snappy facade and clever repartee, without regard for what the other person is feeling. It must feel a lot like disrespect to be on the receiving end.

I like to think that Pippi and I are working together in search of a comfortable middle ground — honest, open, true communication.

]]> By: Kathleen http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/i-will-not-respond-until-you-treat-me-with-respect/#comment-1062 Kathleen Fri, 16 Mar 2007 12:59:53 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/i-will-not-respond-until-you-treat-me-with-respect/#comment-1062 Your response is not only useful and a favor to yourself, but a favor to the other person involved. I know this because I could be that person. Part cultivated defense mechanism and part inherited behavior trait, the smart mouth tendency lives in me. While in some situations, it can be entertaining, I know it can also be wounding, as you described. The smart mouth behavior is SUCH a reflexive behavior, that I often do not even realize how I come across until later when I am sorting through my day; or unless someone calls me on it. Although I work at keeping the smart mouth as a tool rather than a reflexive behavior, sometimes I don't succeed. When someone I have offended or hurt manages to talk to me the way you did to your co-worker, I am always grateful to get a chance to start fresh with that person. And their forthright manner in dealing with me serves as a reminder that helps me do even better in my efforts to control or change my negative behaviors. So, thanks for your efforts to help yourself. You also helped the other person. Your response is not only useful and a favor to yourself, but a favor to the other person involved. I know this because I could be that person. Part cultivated defense mechanism and part inherited behavior trait, the smart mouth tendency lives in me. While in some situations, it can be entertaining, I know it can also be wounding, as you described. The smart mouth behavior is SUCH a reflexive behavior, that I often do not even realize how I come across until later when I am sorting through my day; or unless someone calls me on it. Although I work at keeping the smart mouth as a tool rather than a reflexive behavior, sometimes I don’t succeed. When someone I have offended or hurt manages to talk to me the way you did to your co-worker, I am always grateful to get a chance to start fresh with that person. And their forthright manner in dealing with me serves as a reminder that helps me do even better in my efforts to control or change my negative behaviors. So, thanks for your efforts to help yourself. You also helped the other person.

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