Comments on: Obviously You Don’t Want to Talk to Me http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/obviously-you-dont-want-to-talk-to-me/ By Meryl Runion and SpeakStrong, Inc. Thu, 20 Nov 2008 14:19:29 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: Cindy Mueller http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/obviously-you-dont-want-to-talk-to-me/#comment-1091 Cindy Mueller Wed, 28 Mar 2007 16:36:24 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/obviously-you-dont-want-to-talk-to-me/#comment-1091 I gave up answering my phone years ago. I just let the machine pick up and return the calls I think are important. I might have responded to the situation from the ex by saying: "It's interesting that you would think that." and then just move on to the conversation. He's either very insecure or very manipulative. Either way, it really is HIS problem, not hers--ANYMORE! I gave up answering my phone years ago. I just let the machine pick up and return the calls I think are important. I might have responded to the situation from the ex by saying: “It’s interesting that you would think that.” and then just move on to the conversation. He’s either very insecure or very manipulative. Either way, it really is HIS problem, not hers–ANYMORE!

]]> By: merylrunion http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/obviously-you-dont-want-to-talk-to-me/#comment-1067 merylrunion Sun, 18 Mar 2007 15:56:57 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/obviously-you-dont-want-to-talk-to-me/#comment-1067 Great point BM. And, Kathleen, that is a useful thing to remember. The phone can seem so urgent when it's not. everyone benefits when we make communication choices rather than feeling compelled by the perceived urgency of a ringing phone. Great point BM. And, Kathleen, that is a useful thing to remember. The phone can seem so urgent when it’s not. everyone benefits when we make communication choices rather than feeling compelled by the perceived urgency of a ringing phone.

]]> By: Kathleen http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/obviously-you-dont-want-to-talk-to-me/#comment-1061 Kathleen Fri, 16 Mar 2007 12:38:42 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/obviously-you-dont-want-to-talk-to-me/#comment-1061 I'm not recommending this as a verbal response, but as a self-talk help for creating a balanced state of mind. I remind myself periodically that I am the one who pays the phone bill at my house. I do so for my own benefit and convenience; not for the convenience of sales people or anyone who happens to have a desire to reach me in the moment. I do not like the idea of my daily life being shaped around the possibility of a phone call. So I only have the phone near me if I am "receiving" calls at that time. That practice helps me structure my time and movements more around my own plans and activities, and less around the whims or goals of others. For the writer, practicing yoga at home should not have to be any different than going out for a yoga class. This response from the ex sounds more like it's sabout his wounded ego than any reality. He is projecting his feelings of rejection or guilt over the breakup onto her. I’m not recommending this as a verbal response, but as a self-talk help for creating a balanced state of mind. I remind myself periodically that I am the one who pays the phone bill at my house. I do so for my own benefit and convenience; not for the convenience of sales people or anyone who happens to have a desire to reach me in the moment. I do not like the idea of my daily life being shaped around the possibility of a phone call. So I only have the phone near me if I am “receiving” calls at that time. That practice helps me structure my time and movements more around my own plans and activities, and less around the whims or goals of others. For the writer, practicing yoga at home should not have to be any different than going out for a yoga class. This response from the ex sounds more like it’s sabout his wounded ego than any reality. He is projecting his feelings of rejection or guilt over the breakup onto her.

]]> By: BAM http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/obviously-you-dont-want-to-talk-to-me/#comment-1059 BAM Fri, 16 Mar 2007 05:09:14 +0000 http://www.speakstrong.com/newsletter/2007/03/15/obviously-you-dont-want-to-talk-to-me/#comment-1059 I think the last sentence is the best advice. He's her ex. At this point, she has no need to justify her actions - whether she's busy, tired, or really doesn't want to talk to him. She's told him the sentence annoys her...yet he keeps using it. He's baiting her, period - doing it on purpose to engage her in a conversation where she is "at fault." The true "speaking strong" here is to not validate his comment with explanation, but IGNORE IT. Keep the conversations to a minimum, with only what is necessary - go through the points of business with no small talk/chitchat, then end the conversation. Speak strong by taking control of the conversation and your role in it. You can't change HIM, but you CAN change how you REACT to him. I think the last sentence is the best advice. He’s her ex. At this point, she has no need to justify her actions - whether she’s busy, tired, or really doesn’t want to talk to him.

She’s told him the sentence annoys her…yet he keeps using it. He’s baiting her, period - doing it on purpose to engage her in a conversation where she is “at fault.”

The true “speaking strong” here is to not validate his comment with explanation, but IGNORE IT. Keep the conversations to a minimum, with only what is necessary - go through the points of business with no small talk/chitchat, then end the conversation. Speak strong by taking control of the conversation and your role in it. You can’t change HIM, but you CAN change how you REACT to him.

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