March 22, 2007Weren’t You Listening?
When Al asked a question about an apparent contradiction between training instruction and application, his manager said,
- Weren’t you listening?
Clearly he was listening, which is why he noticed the contradiction. The Poison Phrase made Al reluctant to ask question in the future…until he addressed the issue with his manager. (Go Al!)
Don’t be a victim of Poison Phrases. How to Use PowerPhrases. tells you how to respond.
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When someone has a hearing loss, they can be listening as hard as possible and still misunderstand. To respond with “Weren’t you listening?” is a great way to get someone to quit asking the questions necessary to ensure that we are actually communicating. Even without a hearing loss, everyone misunderstands sometimes.
Comment by Sharon Campbell — March 23, 2007 @ 3:50 pm
This type of situation, where the boss asks a question in an accusing manner, is a GREAT opportunity to practice taking control of a communication transaction. It seems that Al’s boss is trying to turn the situation around and make Al feel responsible for some discrepancy. This type of implied criticism, where a question is asked in an accusing tone, is very difficult for me to handle. We are socialized to answer a question when asked. Just try NOT answering when someone asks you a question. I can usually feel a sense of pressure welling up inside as I struggle to resist the urge to defend myself.
I would probably reply with my own question. “What was it I said that made you think I wasn’t listening?” and leave the onus on the boss to justify his response. I wouldn’t accept the implied criticism that I hadn’t been paying attention. Then I would reframe my original question to get the answer I needed in the first place. Kudos to Al for standing up for himself!
Comment by Cindy Mueller — March 28, 2007 @ 10:18 am
Great point Sharon - i’m so glad you’re there to share the hard of hering perspective. and you, Cindy, great insight as usual.
Comment by merylrunion — March 29, 2007 @ 11:31 am