April 26, 2007New Articles / Jessica Lynch
Last week I posted a new article about e-mailing, and since then I haven’t had to look any farther than my sent box for examples of bad emails. I wrote another article on the same subject this week, so maybe I’ll apply my own knowledge. Here are this week’s new articles:
Dos and Don’ts of E-mailing; http://www.speakstrong.com/dosanddon’tsofe-mailing.html
How to Stop Passive Aggressive Behavior in the Workplace: http://www.speakstrong.com/howtostoppassiveaggressivebehavior.html
How to Tell Someone They Smell Bad at Work: http://www.speakstrong.com/howtotellsometheysmellbad.html
Be sure to read the reader comments on previous artcles this week. (Scroll down.)
Jessica Lynch, Army PFC and former POW, testified before Congress this week about the misrepresention of her ordeal by the military and the media. She claimed that there was no reason to make her a legend when the real heroics of her fellow citizens that day were legendary. She also observed that “The truth is always more heroic than hype.” She wasn’t the hero the media made her out to be – instead she was – and is – a different kind of hero. A champion of truth.
For the record, the information about what actually happened was available at the time, but received very little press in the US.
April 26, 2007Do You Really Think This Qualifies as Massive Anxiety?
Genie told Bill that she was experiencing massive anxiety. Bill knew that Genie had a flare for the dramatic and asked her,
- Do you really think this qualifies as massive anxiety?
Bill got Genie to rethink her experience and her word choice. She corrected herself and said, “My heart is racing.” Recognizing her dramatization and describing her condition more accurately calmed her.
April 26, 2007I’ll Let You Take Care of This
John asked for help from Roger by saying,
- I’ll let you take care of this.
The wording implies that John is doing Roger a favor by allowing him to do the project, when in fact it was Roger that would be doing John a favor by accepting.
April 26, 2007Dance Class
Meryl,
How do I get the attention of my dance class between dances? They’re focused on each other and don’t want to focus on me.
Meryl Responds
Say,
If you enjoyed that dance, clap once. If you want to learn how to do that dance even better, clap twice.
The ones that hear you will get the attention of the rest of the group.
April 26, 2007Reader Story ~ I Spoke, They Listened
April 23, 2007PowerPhrase ~ How to Tell Someone They Smell Bad
Failure to bathe. We’ve all encountered it. What’s up with them? Are they clueless? Is it passive aggressive behavior in the workplace? Might they have a problem they can’t control? We’re not shrinks and we don’t know. We do know that while there is no great way to tell someone they smell bad, some ways are better than others.
Let’s start by looking at the worse ways to address the issues. Here’s what you don’t do when you need to tell someone they smell bad at work. .
- Don’t address the issue in front of others or even where others can see.
- Don’t assume you know what the underlying issue is. You don’t.
- Don’t make it about you. This is not a personal issue.
- Don’t be confrontational, judgmental or critical.
- Don’t hint. While you don’t want to attack, you also want them to get your point without guesswork.
- Don’t refer to culture or race or anything that could get you in legal hot water.
- Don’t let their hygiene issue become fodder for office gossip.
So what do you do? Here’s what you do when you need to tell someone they smell bad at work.
- Tell the offender, not anyone else.
- Find an environment for casual privacy.
- Be informative. Take the stance that you are providing them with information they need to know.
- Be empathic. Speak like a sympathizer, not a judge.
- Use neutral, impersonal language that refers to professionalism and the impact on the office.
- Be low key. Even if you’re not comfortable, fake it. The more agitated sound, the more reactive they will be.
- Arrange for follow-up and future feedback. Most behavior changes require time.
- Provide future feedback, both positive and negative.
What do you say? Here are your PowerPhrases to inform someone of a hygiene issue.
- (Name,) I need a few minutes of your time. Can we meet in the conference room?
- (Name) I have noticed the smell of (the offensive odor), and I’m concerned that it is having an impact on your ability to interact with your co-workers and our customers.
If you’re the manager, add:
- It’s essential this be addressed because if affects performance.
Listen empathically to their response.
A few more Power Phrases you can use are:
- I’m telling you because it’s important for you to know.
- I know if it was me, I’d want to know.
If they become reactive, be empathic about it. Chances are the employee is embarrassed and is reacting in defense. What they do with the information is more important than what they say in the moment.
Whether your employee or coworker’s hygiene issue is medical, cultural, due to lack of awareness, or a clear example of passive aggressive behavior in the workplace, Speak Strong. Power Phrases can help you manage the issue.
April 19, 2007Pulitzer Prize for Doing His Job
Pulitzer Prize winner Charlie Savage won the coveted award because, “he covered what the government does, not just what it says.”
There was a day when that was the definition of political journalism. Now journalists who actually do that are so rare they stand out so much that they win Pulitzer Prizes. I hope Charlie is an inspiration to others.
April 19, 2007I Can Solve a Rubiks Cube in Under Three Minutes
Scott was a pleasant and helpful rep. After answering my questions he gave me his phone number by saying,
- My number is 555-5555 and I can solve a rubriks cube in under 3 minutes.
In the small talk chapter of PowerPhrases I recommend providing tidbits of personal information to create a connection and toss the other person a conversational ball. Scott did just that with his disclosure. I laughed and we chatted a few minutes afterward. I hung up with my questions answered and with the feeling I had spoken to a person, not a robot. And a smart person, at that.
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Related posts which may interest you
- David Meerman Scott recommends questions to overcome resistance to change
- Self righteousness is not Speaking Strong
- Reactions matter. Every word matters. And so does body language.
- This Week in the World ~ Twitter, emotional awareness and skill, new article
- Poison Phrase lessons from the Detective Mom
April 19, 2007I Don’t Have Enough…
Like most Poison Phrases, the venom in this one depends on how it’s used.
My husband and I listened to author Lynn Twist talk about how many of us habitually complain about not having enough. When we go to bed, we complain that we didn’t get enough done. When we get up we complain that we didn’t get enough sleep. Then we complain about not enough time, not enough money, not enough thinness and on and on. Watch yourself and see if you catch yourself complaining,
- I don’t have enough…
Since Bob and I heard Lynn talk about this, we’ve been joking about having enough. “Good morning. I got enough sleep. You?” “Great. I have enough time to finish my newsletter.” It’s a playful inside joke.
Those of you who know me know that I don’t believe in pretending things are fabulous when they aren’t. But I do believe in working with what we have, and I also believe in overcoming destructive speech habits that ultimately are reflections of destructive thinking patterns. In many aspects of many of our lives, we habitually complain about what we don’t have and overlook what we do.
Losing this Poison Phrase can save you money. I refrained from making a Chadwicks order because the reality is, I have enough clothes.
April 19, 2007No Credit
Meryl,
For the last several years I’ve planned dozens of meetings and tradeshows for our sales department. I was solely responsible for all aspects (lodging, transportation, food, entertainment, awards, speakers, presentations, etc.) for events of over 300 people. Everyone raves about how great a job I do, but I haven’t gotten concrete recognition.
My manager supports my request for a promotion, but her manager Joe blocked it. My manager fought hard for me – and was fired.
I believe it is a personal issue, although I have always been helpful and quick to help Joe with any requests.
So, should I start looking for another job? Is rejection direction? What can I say other than pointing out the facts if this happens again?
Meryl Responds
From the way you describe it (I’ve edited the original letter down) I am inclined to think there is a personal thing going on, and you are under the direction of someone who is committed to holding you back. That’s how it looks to me. The best person you can ask about this is Joe.
Where you go from here depends on your aspirations and your options. If advancement is important to you, it seems unlikely it will happen where you are. It also appears you have enough people for referrals as an event planner. If it looks like you can get a job elsewhere, it gives you leverage if you take a stand.
You can say,
- Joe, I want to advance and don’t believe you support my goals. Can you support my advancement, or will I need to seek employment elsewhere for that to happen?
It all depends on how much you’re willing to risk – the more you’re willing to risk, the more you stand to gain. You may find that he isn’t willing to lose you – and if he is, chances are you never would have gotten the recognition you deserve where you are anyway.
Good luck!
