April 11, 2007Offensive Air Spray
Recently I asked one of the managers in our office that he not spray an air freshener he had been generously spraying in his office and which wafted out to us cubicle dwellers. I wrote him a short note and left it on his desk. The note was asking that if I missed seeing him when he got into the office, would he please not spray the air freshener for awhile because my allergies were bothering me. He came to my cube and said he had read the note and he “didn’t care” if my allergies were bothering me and, then he laughingly said that his allergies were bothering him too and that he shouldn’t spray the freshener.
Later that day, he sprayed again. I let it pass. However, the next morning he sprayed the mist again. This time I went to the door of his office and asked if he had a minute. He said no, that he was expected on a call. He came to my cubicle an hour or so later and asked what I wanted.
I asked him if he and I were having issues that I was not aware of. He asked, “What do you mean?” I said, “I asked that you not spray the freshener because my allergies are really bad right now, and you sprayed yesterday afternoon and again this morning.” He made the excuse that he had sprayed the day before because “some male did his thing” in his office. He didn’t address why he did it in the morning; however, I could see that he got the message because he hasn’t sprayed again this week.
It felt good to address my concern with him before taking any further actions with his supervisor or mine. He has been cordial and friendly, so I expect that if I have a concern with him, I can go to him. I hope I don’t have to.
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Interesting that this issue was resolved in a work environment because I have such an issue in my own home. My spouse seems to have an issue with any hair spray, body wash, hair shampoo, dishwasher soaps, laundry soaps, etc, etc. But instead of telling me these bother him he make crude remarks and says, “You reek”! Needless to say I’ve been so hurt so many times. I really try and avoid any sprays products but it is almost impossible to find products that are oderless. I truly think there’s more to this whole picture but he won’t admit it. Neither do I make an issue of times when he perhaps doesn’t “smell” the greatest! Would appreciate a comment bk in “private” on how I could possibly resolve this battle other than divorce!! Help!
Comment by Anne — April 12, 2007 @ 1:03 pm
When he tells you that you reek, I suggest you say,
*When you tell me I reek it triggers a reaction in me. Please tell me your allergies are triggered rather than telling me I reek.
Or,
* I understand you’re sensitive to fragrance, and I need you to understand that I’m sensitive to remarks like that. Let’s respect each others sensitivities.
Or say,
* Honey, I’m working hard to accommodate your sensitivities. When I’m wearing a fragrance that is problematic for you, I appreciate you letting me know, but please tell me in a gentler way.
Comment by merylrunion — April 15, 2007 @ 2:44 pm
This is one of the most difficult issues people face, isn’t it? How can you tactfully tell someone their odor or fragrance–depending on the nature of the smell–is offending you without hurting their feelings?
I used to attend the symphony quite often, and the ladies who usually sat next to me smelled as if they bathed in perfume. It was actually a quite nice perfume … just not in the quantity they indulged. I felt very shy about approaching them about it, but I also didn’t want to suffer through another concert while trying not to choke.
In the end, I compromised with my cowardice and wrote them a note. I explained that I liked their perfume very much but asked if they could not wear quite so much on concert evenings as it caused me discomfort. Both ladies approached me later and apologized for their perfume. We were able to laugh over it, and I never had another issue.
I notice many doctor offices and hospitals now request people not wear perfume or aftershaves if they are visiting to avoid allergy problems.
Comment by DLPoff — April 19, 2007 @ 12:46 pm
Great post. DL. I’d like to use it as a success story and send you a Pippi if you’re willing.
Comment by merylrunion — April 21, 2007 @ 8:32 am