May 31, 2007I Guess That’s Okay
A vendor who was in town from out of state asked to meet with me. I was busy working on my new website and suggested 3:30 would work best for me. He replied,
- I guess that’s okay.
Only after we met for an hour did I discover he was driving back to Nebraska after our meeting - and would get home after mid-night. I had assumed he was staying in town, and would have arranged to meet with him earlier had I known the time was inconvenient.
It would have worked better had he said,
- If that’s the best time for you, I can delay my trip back a few hours.
That way I would have considered whether to adjust to his schedule or still ask him to adjust to mine.
May 31, 2007A Conversation About Conversations
Rosie left the show The View early this week because she and co-host Elisabeth had a hostile exchange where neither woman could hear what the other was saying.
Cindy Sheehan left the anti-war movement this week because she was worn down from attacks and slurs by …the left.
A very educated and intelligent friend concluded a political discussion this week by saying, “But truly I don’t know what is reality and what is spin. And I don’t have the energy or time to dig for the truth.”
What’s going on? According to Al Gore’s new book Assault on Reason, the national conversation is “broken” and needs to be fixed. He says logic and reason have been replaced with slogans and propaganda. He’s working to jumpstart a national conversation about the national conversation. That’s a conversation worth having.
Conversations about conversations – I often have them and I often recommend them. I’ve had many conversations with my own family about sarcasm being an unacceptable conversational modality. When I hire, I have conversations about how I like to be updated and how I like to address mistakes and track them to their source to ensure we don’t make the same ones again. When there is a communication breakdown, I’ll stop discussing the issue and refocus on how we can shift the dynamic and communicate better. Often when people ask me how to say something, I’ll suggest that instead of discussing the issue itself, they have a conversation about how to have the conversation.
When the conversations are broken at home, relationships suffer. When conversations are broken at work, business suffers. When the national conversation is broken, we all suffer.
Who benefits when it’s hard to know who’s telling the truth and who’s not? Who rejoices when people give up even trying to differentiate truth from spin? The clear answer is - the dishonest win. The dishonest don’t need to convince anyone they’re telling the truth. They only need to create a smokescreen of doubt and confusion to avoid being held accountable.
When you can’t tell truth from spin, it’s time to have a conversation about conversations. I have a few helpful phrases below, and there are many more in PowerPhrases.
May 31, 2007Phrases for a Conversation About Conversations
Here are some useful phrases for your conversations about conversations:
• I thought I heard a dig. Did I?
• That sounded like sarcasm. Did you intend it that way?
• We’re not hearing each other. Let’s take turns talking until we both feel understood. I’ll listen first, if you like.
• I want to hear what you have to say, but when you speak to me this way, I find it difficult to focus on your words.
• I think we’ve become adversarial in this discussion. I’d like to get back on the same team.
When the conversation seems unproductive, use these phrases to have a conversation about conversations.
May 31, 2007Recycled Stickers
I LOVE the idea of recycle stickers. Can you tell us where to order the stickers so I can put them on my recycled boxes?
Meryl Responds
We print ours ourselves on Avery labels. You can find ours here. http://www.speakstrong.com/avery.html We have the newsletter info on ours. Edit away and use if you like.
May 24, 2007It’s a Gender Thing
Over the years I’ve noticed quite a difference in styles between the four female assistants I‘ve had and the three male assistants. The women all took care of me personally as well as professionally. The men? Not so much. This was illustrated to me last week when I sent articles to post to my male assistant in HTML rather than as a Word doc. I expected him to be pleased that I had done that, but his response was: “This article is black and completely unpostable.” Period. End of sentence.
There was nothing wrong with his remark, but I assure you, the women on my team would have replied much differently. They would have said things to make sure I didn’t feel bad that I sent them something that wasn’t perfect. They might even have apologized to me for not being able to post it as it was. They would have attended to the relationship while responding to the situation.
There are benefits and liabilities with both styles. Sometimes the take-care-of-the-relationship approach seems warmly satisfying, sometimes it seems unnecessarily tedious. Sometimes the just-the-facts approach seems exhilaratingly efficient, sometimes it feels starkly cold. The main challenge on the receiving end is to acknowledge the difference. Occasionally I remind myself that my assistant is a guy and resist my temptation to decipher hidden meaning that doesn’t exist.
If you don’t know which style is more likely to fall on receptive ears, I recommend adding a brief experiential or personal comment that is intended to create connection. Brief is key here. A simple – “We’re getting there.” Or: “That should do it” can keep the straight facts from feeling like a bucket of cold water to the relationally-oriented without losing credibility with the low-touch types.
May 24, 2007Recycled Packaging
To keep my shipping charges down and reduce waste, when I fill book orders I like to reuse packaging from my own purchases. It makes sense to me, but someone who receives an order from SpeakStrong in an Amazon box might not understand my logic. The answer came on a package I received from author Tom Antion – bearing a sticker that said
- We use recycled packaging.
That simple framing turned a potential liability – a used box – into a plus - recycling.
My orders now go out with a recycling sticker.
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May 24, 2007It’s Easy
When someone is struggling with understanding something, the last thing they want to hear is,
- It’s easy.
That can be heard as: “It’s easy and you’re stupid if you don’t agree.”
May 24, 2007“Like”
My daughter uses the word “like” continually. She uses it all the time…especially when trying to tell stories. Example: ”He was like blah, blah, blah and then she was like yadda yadda yadda.” She knows it sounds weak and she wants advice on how to stop this bad habit. I would greatly appreciate any assistance you could provide.
Meryl Responds
There are two great ways to change this kind of habit. One is to deliberately overuse it. When she’s like with someone she can like tell what she’s like doing, she can like use like every like chance you get. If she does this, she can stretch it out, exaggerate it, say it as if she’s a kid smacking gum, as if she’s a drill sergeant barking orders, as if she’s a grandmother telling tales of old. You could even overuse it with her too, and compete for who can use it the most.
Another approach is to have someone count how many times she uses it. That’s how the Toastmaster’s club breaks people of using ums and ahs. They have someone count, and it works well. It makes you self-conscious for a while, but then you stop.
Whatever approach she chooses, tell her to have fun with it. The more playful she is, the quicker it will change.
May 24, 2007What Do You Want to Learn More About? Please Provide Input on Proposed Article Topics
What would you like to know how to say and want to read an article about? I’ve got a list (long) of articles I plan to write (and some I have already posted.) I’d like your input on which topics interest you - and what topics I didn’t think of that you’d like to read about.
Post your comments below or email me at MerylRunion@speakstrong.com.
Article Topics
Electronic communication
General
Dos and don’ts of effective ePolicy
How to leave messages and compose emails that elicit a response from the unresponsive.
eNewsletter
How to write an effective eNewsletter that employees read and the CEO loves
How to use stories to increase the effectiveness of company newsletters
How to write strong headlines in the company newsletter that get the articles read
Email (more…)
May 24, 2007What Do You Want to Learn About? Telephone Seminar Topics
What do you want to learn? Below is a list of telephone seminar topics that I have scheduled or intend to schedule. I would appreciate your input regarding which topics you want to learn more about.
Please post your responses below (click on comments) or email me at MerylRunion@speakstrong.com
Thanks!
Teleseminar Topics
Integrated Performance Management: How to Tie All Aspects of Performance Management Together
How to Talk to Your Doctor for Clarity and Results JUNE 7
How to Write Powerful Promotional and Sales Copy JUNE 21
How to Talk to Your Lawyer to Get Great Results JUNE 28
How to Talk with the Terminally Ill
PowerPhrase for Nurses
How to Say No Without Losing Your Friends or Your Job
How to Lead Powerful Productive Meetings
Effective ePolicy to Enhance Responsible Use of Electronic Communication
Effective Use of Electronic Communication
How to Run a Conference Call to Encourage Participation and Get Results
How to Manage Your Boss to Create a Perfect Partnership
How to Position Yourself for Recognition and Advancement at Work
How to Use Active Listening to Improve Communication
How to Conduct a Formal or Informal Brainstorming Session
How to Deal with Difficult People
How to Improve Interdepartmental Communication
Race, Gender, Age and Religion: Political Correctness in the Workplace
How to Write for Search Engines
If…then, feel/felt/found and Other Sales Phrases to Handle Objections
How to Write an Executive Summary
Dos and don’ts of Employee Documentation
How to Manage Your Emotions to Speak Calm When You Speak Strong
How to be Assertive Without Being Aggressive
Name the Lame Excuse: Why You Don’t Speak Up and How to Overcome Your Reluctance to Speak When Something Needs to Be Said
Eight Types of Aggressive Poison Phrases, Four Types of Passive Poison Phrases and How To Respond When Others Use Them.
The Six Secrets of PowerPhrases for Powerful Communication
How to Overcome Negative Speech Habits and habitually Speak Strong
Discover Your Communication Style and Uncover How to Communicate With Contrasting Styles
Gender Communication: How to Talk to Him or Her
How to Handle Performance Problems from Start to Finish
Change Your Conflict Lenses – How to Speak Strong in Conflict Situations
Brand-Aid – How to Capture and Communicate the Essence of Your Business or Personal Brand
How to Implement Standards of Communication at Work and at Home
Inner Strength for Outer Challenges - How to Optimize Your Thinking, Habits and Behavior
How to Leaders Speak So Others Follow Leadership Phrases
How to Use Features to Enhance Sales
How to Speak Inclusively
How to Use PowerPhrases in Dynamic Presentations
Persuasion: How to Influence without Manipulating.
Meeting Magic – How to Run a Powerful and Effective Meeting
