May 17, 2007Standing Up to the Office Bully
For years I have worked with a lady who some (including me)
have described as a “bully”. One particular behavior which
she does is to pass a critical remark about me – or someone
else that she assumedly doesn’t like – in front of others. This
is embarrassing.
It has literally been on my mind for – I believe – years to do
something about that behavior. Yesterday I acted.
Yesterday morning, that particular behavior happened
“out of the blue” again. After this happened, I worked on
a job elsewhere for over an hour, dwelling on the incident
- which in some ways seemed “minor” and “insignificant”
(“it always does”) – but I thought that it might be part of a
“plot” to discredit me in front of a “new” staff member. I
said to myself that I would respond to the incident before
going to lunch. And circumstances were such that I could
and did respond.
The conversation was close to the following words:
Me: “You know when you sometimes tell me about things I do wrong
- such as what you said about [earlier today] ., can you do so privately,
or quietly?”
Her: “Yes.”
[There was no tone of voice that suggested anything other than her willing agreement.]
Me: “Because I sometimes feel embarrassed when others are around.” [That was a brief explanation that I offered after her "Yes", just before walking away - not that it seemed to be necessary.]
That success story was followed by a second success story today – same lady.
I noticed “internal office” mail that was not fully addressed by this lady. The mail had been placed in the correct mail trays for distribution . but if – for example – the mailman dropped the mail then he would have a problem in sorting out what goes where. The problem could easily be solved by the lady marking the correct destination on the envelope. One felt – rightly or wrong – that “laziness” was the only explanation for the envelope not being so marked. [I believe that all mail anywhere ideally needs
the sender and the recipient to be clearly indicated - for "efficiency".]
This afternoon I approached the lady:
Me: [With a sample envelope in hand] “These need to be marked [pointing out the names of possible recipients].”
Her: “But they’re in the trays.”
Me: “But with the mailman – if they are dropped .”
Her: “Oh, OK.”
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