May 24, 2007“Like”
My daughter uses the word “like” continually. She uses it all the time…especially when trying to tell stories. Example: ”He was like blah, blah, blah and then she was like yadda yadda yadda.” She knows it sounds weak and she wants advice on how to stop this bad habit. I would greatly appreciate any assistance you could provide.
Meryl Responds
There are two great ways to change this kind of habit. One is to deliberately overuse it. When she’s like with someone she can like tell what she’s like doing, she can like use like every like chance you get. If she does this, she can stretch it out, exaggerate it, say it as if she’s a kid smacking gum, as if she’s a drill sergeant barking orders, as if she’s a grandmother telling tales of old. You could even overuse it with her too, and compete for who can use it the most.
Another approach is to have someone count how many times she uses it. That’s how the Toastmaster’s club breaks people of using ums and ahs. They have someone count, and it works well. It makes you self-conscious for a while, but then you stop.
Whatever approach she chooses, tell her to have fun with it. The more playful she is, the quicker it will change.
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I’m an “ummer”… I tend to say “um” a lot in between words. I think I’m fearful of silence. My first step to recovery was to acknowledge my “um-ming” problem. (Sounds like your daughter is past Step 1.) Step 2 was to consciously put a pause where I’d normally insert an “um”. At first I felt silly and felt like… I… was… almost… stuttering… but then, as I became more aware, I realized that it made me sound much more confident in what I was saying.
Comment by Judy — May 24, 2007 @ 12:24 pm
My daughter also does this, I think it’s “the thing” teens are doing, but for her it has become very much like a stutter. Her mind doesn’t seem to be able to filter it out, and put together a coherent thought. Her dad and I have insisted that we will not listen to her conversation until she can put it together so that we can understand it! New speech therapy required, for teens. Can you imagine how the parents of the Valley Girls era felt.
Comment by Grace — May 24, 2007 @ 12:49 pm
LOL, like you know like my daughter and I do that with like different words. In fact we drove by a dam. And I said dam, there’s a dam. I think we got up to saying the word 10 times while still making sense. Now every time we see a dam, we have to say dam, there’s a dam. It all started with a joke about a fish running into a dam, the punch line had dam in it somewhere. So like, have fun with it like, there’s no tommorrow. Like it’ll be something you and your like daughter will like always like laugh about it like, you know like, it’s funny, like, or something. We also take phrases from movies or songs and throw them into a sentence somehow. IE so a fish ran into a dam and “a peanut hit him on the nose” or “who don’t see anything” from Madascar the movie - but the hand waving has to be there. We travel alot so we’ve found its a fun way to talk/enterain without being serious. It also keeps the stress to a minimal in the relationship because we’re laughing.
PS hope you find this humorous, because that’s how it’s intended. I hear the same converation at home. If you didn’t sorry!
Comment by kathy — May 24, 2007 @ 1:30 pm
My sentiments exactly as Judy’s. Replace the bad habit word with a pause. I am an “ummer” as well. I replace the “ums” with just a pause and it gives me time to slow my brain down a tad bit, and allows me to articulate the words coming out my mouth… Pausing will do it!
Comment by debra — June 4, 2007 @ 4:59 pm
I am a stutterer, and though my stutter is mild compared to others’, I often find myself using “ums” and such to give myself a moment to come out with a word.
Another VERY bad habit some stutterers have is playing stupid. This is when a stutterer knows an answer or has something to say, but they know they will have trouble with a word or phrase. To cover the speech issue, they either pretend they don’t know the answer or pretend to have trouble remembering the right word.
I did it for most of my life, and it was only in the past few years that I realized how horrible the habit truly is. It not only plays havoc with your public image, but it can also rip your self-confidence to shreds without you even realizing it.
Now, when I catch myself getting ready to play stupid because of my stutter, I pause and ask myself which is ultimately the more embarrassing? Having trouble speaking a word clearly? Or making myself look like a idiot? That usually decides the matter.
Other people will just have to be patient while I make my lips and tongue work properly, because I’m saying what I have to say. And I’m not intentionally looking stupid for anyone … not even myself!
DLPoff
Comment by DLPoff — June 14, 2007 @ 9:29 am
Thanks for your input, DL.
I have learned to make my pauses sound dramatic and intentional, which can make my words sound MORE powerful than if I had the words all along and didn’t pause at all.
And like everything else, the level of comfort others feel is determined in large part by your own level of comfort.
Comment by merylrunion — June 14, 2007 @ 11:58 am