May 31, 2007Non-adversarial come-backs to sarcasm that elevate conversations
Here are some useful phrases for your conversations about conversations:
• I thought I heard a dig. Did I?
• That sounded like sarcasm. Did you intend it that way?
• We’re not hearing each other. Let’s take turns talking until we both feel understood. I’ll listen first, if you like.
• I want to hear what you have to say, but when you speak to me this way, I find it difficult to focus on your words.
• I think we’ve become adversarial in this discussion. I’d like to get back on the same team.
When the conversation seems unproductive, use these phrases to have a conversation about conversations.
The free PowerPhrases as Work CD that comes with my SpeakStrong book talks about conversations you need to have.
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Wow…those are so good…I just hope I can remember to use them the next time I really need them.
Comment by Susan — May 31, 2007 @ 2:28 pm
I think the lack of a rational national conversation is deadly. It certainly plays into the hands of those who far beyond being merely dishonest, truly wish to rule this country by division and confusion.
Dishonest and cowardly people never want to be accountablefor anything. They are the ones who have “spin doctors”, need “handlers” for public officials and dwell in a la-la land where “mistakes were made”.
With a “liberal” media that is almost entirely owned by “conservatives” and serves primarily as a white house propaganda arm, there is no where to turn for reliably honest coverage of anything.
The only hope, really, is a grass roots honesty that begins by having one honest conversation with facts and other old fashioned things, including courtesy.
Comment by Nik Nikkel — May 31, 2007 @ 2:51 pm
Susan,
I know what you mean! It’s so easy to get sucked into what is being said and forget to stand back and look at the conversation itself. My technique is to review what I “should have said” after the fact, not to beat myself up, but to be more prepared the next time.
Nik,
I know what you mean too! I tell those who say the media is liberal that’s it sounds to me like they don’t listen to liberal media much if they think the mainstream is liberal.
That said, there are plenty of people on liberal media who use the same attack tactics that I find so abhorrent. There are some who will create theories without much substantiation.
And there are others whom I find quite credible. Here’s how I’ve established that. What they say passes the test of time. I’m happy to share my sources with you if you are interested.
Comment by merylrunion — May 31, 2007 @ 5:44 pm
Someone at the company I work at sent me some paperwork that should not have come to me. I was not sure who to pass it on to so I emailed the sender to find out who I should forward it on to. He said he didn’t know but that last time he signed in and sent it to the office and the invoice was paid. I asked him who he sent it to last time and this is the response I received “This will help you. The office???”. It’s not like we have a small office where every knows everyone else. We have 2 large offices and a satellite office and there are about 400+ people who work at corporate. I have not responded as I know what I would like to say is most inappropriate!
How do I respond to that in an appropriate manner.
Comment by Mindy — April 7, 2010 @ 9:52 am
Mindy,
Email is a great tool, but it can be so misleading because you have no cues as to what a person might mean by a phrase — it could sound sarcastic and mean to you but this person may have simply been trying to sound puzzled or confused. If I don’t know for sure what a person’s intent was, I try (sometimes I have to try very hard!) to give them the benefit of the doubt — in fact, that’s one of those “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” that really changed the way I look at such issues.
This person may be completely unaware of the size of your staff. The versatile line cutting PowerPhrase “I’m sorry. Perhaps you are unaware…” is a great start to addressing any impolite behavior that could be unintentional. There is also the option, even though it’s a little more time consuming, of actually calling this person to figure things out. Email’s great for simple communication, but nothing beats actually speaking to a person to get a problem figured out. I’m interested to see other responses to your question, however.
Comment by Grace — April 7, 2010 @ 8:31 pm