June 26, 2007Why is this Happening Again?
Comedian Kathy Griffin is outrageous, over the top and irreverent. If you like that, you’ll love her. If you don’t, you won’t. Her program My Life on the “D” List shows her in front of hysterical audiences and disapproving ones.
It portrays several meeting planners asking her to tone herself down right before or early into her presentation. Hiring Kathy and asking her to tone herself down is like hiring Michael Moore and asking him not to criticize corporations. It’s like hiring Billy Graham and asking him not to discuss God. It’s like hiring me and asking me not to talk about communication. It doesn’t make sense.
I understand how this could happen occasionally, but I’d think after two or three fiascos, Kathy’s staff would learn to initiate a conversation about who Kathy is and what Kathy does.
But it keeps happening – “surprises” that could have been avoided if only someone had the foresight to initiate a conversation.
If you keep experiencing the same misunderstandings, ask yourself if there’s a conversation you need to have up front. It could save you headaches.
June 26, 2007Because
In our persuasive writing class, Barbara and I spoke about influential words. Here’s one of my favorites -
- Because
Research shows that even if the reason isn’t that great, the word “because” persuades.
A few weeks ago, my PowerPhrase was “because I care” as the subject line in an email that pointed out a typo. A reader sent another correction email with the subject line, “because I know you care.” There’s power in “because.”
June 26, 2007Water the Dog
Barbara and I got a kick out of a story a teleseminar attendee shared in last Thursday’s class. When she got her first dog, her father sent her out to…
- water the dog
He assumed she knew what that meant. She didn’t. She was frustrated that the dog wouldn’t sit still while she “watered” him. It was a mess.
It may surprise you how specific your word choice needs to be.
June 26, 2007College Aps
My daughter is 17 and going to be a senior this year. We are spending our summer and all of next school year applying for scholarships.
What do colleges want in an interview, and what do they want in an application or resume?
Meryl Responds
I don’t know, but perhaps my readers do. Any takers?
June 26, 2007Conference Conflicts
We require groups to reserve conference rooms, but some people don’t honor that. Recently a coworker has been using the room for her projects, and when the group sees her there, they squeeze into a smaller room. Occasionally we’ve gone to meet and found her project spread out over the table, so we met in another room.
I heard people complain, but instead of complaining, I sought out the young woman. I asked her to observe the schedule and to move her project to a side table when meetings were scheduled. She did.
June 19, 2007A Communication Tale of Toilet Training Trauma
Toilet training generally holds little fascination for those who are not dealing with it, yet I couldn’t get enough detail when my friend Kay described her experience with her son Jordon. It was a lesson in how vulnerable we can be to words.
Things were going well until Jordon had an accident around his great-grandmother. Great-grandma said things that were shaming and threatening. From that moment on, Jordon stopped using the toilet and started holding his elimination, leading to constipation. He began to lie about whether he needed to relieve himself or not, which led to a completely new conversation among the family members.
What had started so well turned so bad because of a few well-intended but poorly-considered words. How many of us still live with consequences of careless words spoken when we were vulnerable? And how many of us don’t even realize why we behave the way we do?
The tale reinforces my motto – “Speak as if every word matters. It does.”
June 19, 2007Please Provide Me With Some Context
Okay, we’re both writers and wording experts, so why weren’t Barbara McNichol and I coming up with dazzling suggestions to improve a writing sample that was submitted by a Persuasive Writing Telephone Seminar registrant?
Because we didn’t have a context for the sample. So Barbara did something brilliant. She asked the submitter to:
- Please give me a bit of context. Who is the proposal for? What is its objective?
The answer got our feedback process flowing.
June 19, 2007You Need a Meeting
Sue’s father died last week. Her family seems emotionally shut down through this process soSue told her sister Joy that she wasn’t going to pretend that acting like everything was normal was a healthy reaction to the situation. Joy snapped back,
- You need a meeting.
This phrase has two problems. First, “you need” is a Poison Phrase. Few people like hearing an uninvited declarative of what they need.
The second problem is Joy used a harsh tone that sent Sue the message – “You have a problem. You’re broken. You need to be fixed.”
The suggestion itself actually was a good one. Joy attends AA meetings, and Sue attends other 12-Step Program meetings. Both women treasure the support they get at the meetings, and a meeting would have been very therapeutic for Sue. But even a good suggestion can be a Poison Phrase when spoken in a negative way with negative implications.
June 19, 2007The Case of the Barking Dog
We had dinner w/ some friends who are grappling with a communication problem w/ their neighbors. They are retired and live next door (in town homes) to friendly people who, unfortunately, have a small barking dog. It’s a yappy little thing that barks at anything and everything, especially after 3:00 in the afternoon — the retired couple’s siesta time — when the kids come home from school and both parents are still at work.
This retired couple is on good terms with their neighbors — although they’re not close friends — and they don’t want to rock the boat by saying something about the dog. They’re afraid that if they say something critical about the dog’s behavior the neighbors may politely listen but not do anything that would actually change the dog’s behavior. If the dog continues to bark, then what would they do next? They’re afraid the issue would escalate and damage their relationship with those neighbors.
Meryl Responds
It sounds to me like they’re overthinking this situation. I hear too many what-ifs that don’t give the neighbors much credit. Your friends will have a better idea about follow-up once they tell their neighbors about the problem and hear how they respond.
I’ve addressed the dog issue with two of my neighbors and both neighbors adjusted to minimize the disruption. One even bought me a present as an apology. Maybe I have exceptional neighbors, but you don’t know who you’re dealing with until you try.
The best approach is to present it as a mutual problem that needs a mutual solution.
- We have a problem with your dog’s barking. Can we work together to see if we can find a solution?
If your friends offer solutions, all the better. I offered to take my neighbors’ dogs with me on my daily hikes in an attempt to tire them out. Both neighbors declined, but I was willing to do it, and they appreciated it.
If they address the issue politely and the issue escalates, write me again. It will be easier to decide what to do next once we have a clearer idea of who we’re dealing with.
June 19, 2007Putting an End to Sarcasm
A peer of mine communicated very sarcastically to everyone in our dept. In a recent meeting she was sarcastic and the bosses accepted it as her normal behavior. Since they did not address it at the meeting, I told her I did not appreciate the comment and suggested she was unaware of how often she did it. Making her aware did the trick. She stopped being sarcastic. No one would address her bad behavior. They just accepted it. We now treat others respectfully.
