June 19, 2007The Case of the Barking Dog
We had dinner w/ some friends who are grappling with a communication problem w/ their neighbors. They are retired and live next door (in town homes) to friendly people who, unfortunately, have a small barking dog. It’s a yappy little thing that barks at anything and everything, especially after 3:00 in the afternoon — the retired couple’s siesta time — when the kids come home from school and both parents are still at work.
This retired couple is on good terms with their neighbors — although they’re not close friends — and they don’t want to rock the boat by saying something about the dog. They’re afraid that if they say something critical about the dog’s behavior the neighbors may politely listen but not do anything that would actually change the dog’s behavior. If the dog continues to bark, then what would they do next? They’re afraid the issue would escalate and damage their relationship with those neighbors.
Meryl Responds
It sounds to me like they’re overthinking this situation. I hear too many what-ifs that don’t give the neighbors much credit. Your friends will have a better idea about follow-up once they tell their neighbors about the problem and hear how they respond.
I’ve addressed the dog issue with two of my neighbors and both neighbors adjusted to minimize the disruption. One even bought me a present as an apology. Maybe I have exceptional neighbors, but you don’t know who you’re dealing with until you try.
The best approach is to present it as a mutual problem that needs a mutual solution.
- We have a problem with your dog’s barking. Can we work together to see if we can find a solution?
If your friends offer solutions, all the better. I offered to take my neighbors’ dogs with me on my daily hikes in an attempt to tire them out. Both neighbors declined, but I was willing to do it, and they appreciated it.
If they address the issue politely and the issue escalates, write me again. It will be easier to decide what to do next once we have a clearer idea of who we’re dealing with.
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