July 30, 2007This Week in the World
That’s not entertainment.
Have you ever gotten caught up in gossip or some other kind of negative communication? It’s easy to lose sight of your communication values when “everyone is doing it.” When someone breaks the pattern and points out the pettiness, it can be an abrupt wake-up call.
Celebrity gossip is in fashion these days, and Katie Couric provided a wake-up call to those who indulge. Speaking of Lindsay Lohan, Couric said,
Why do so many relish her woes? Does it somehow make us all feel superior? What about compassion and the fervent hope she’ll get the treatment she needs? This young woman’s life is on the line. And that’s not entertainment.
Indeed, it’s not. What a well stated reminder. It’s worth remembering for times when we use others’ misery for our own entertainment.
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Related posts which may interest you
- May 13, 1986: The Wake-up Call I Only Had to Lose Everything For
- A good way to handle gossip in the workplace and a great way
- PowerPhrase of the Week ~ Thanks for reminding me
- This Week in the World ~ Feedback, Psyche’s 1st task and the bully article
- When the going gets tough, talking like a victim doesn’t help.
July 30, 2007PowerPhrase of the Week
Is there anything else I can do for you now?
It’s been a tough week. I broke my ankle five weeks ago, and as a result of my uneven gait and lack of exercise, my back went out last week. I was like a bug that gets trapped on its back and can’t roll over. I was very dependent on my husband’s help. It was music to my ears that, after an incredible amount of service, he would come in and ask,
* Is there anything else I can do for you now?
When you (I)wonder if you’re asking too much, an invitation to ask for more is a gift beyond measure.
July 30, 2007Poison Phrase of the Week
Permit delays threw Peter’s renovation project off schedule and caused it to overlap with other projects on the contractor’s schedule. Peter understood that, but he didn’t understand when the contractor addressed delays with irrelevant excuses. When Peter asked when the contractor would get to the trim, the contractor said,
- Well, have you chosen the trim color yet?
This question implied that the contractor was waiting on action from them to move forward. In fact,
1) They chose the trim color when they approved the original specs, and
2) If the contractor had been waiting on a decision, he could have asked for it.
Peter would have accepted a straight answer about how the permit delays threw the project off schedule, but Peter lost trust and resented what sounded like an inappropriate attempt to blame him.
July 30, 2007Ask Meryl sloppy work
Ask Meryl: How to address incompetence
My assistant has been on vacation and we’ve discovered many errors in her work. I expect her to be defensive about it if I bring it up. How can I discuss it with her? I expect her to be defensive.
Meryl Responds
Address it from the perspective of wanting to help her be successful. Say,
*While you were gone, we discovered a series of errors that lead me to believe that you are need more support than we’ve been giving you. Let’s meet so I can tell you what we found, get to the source of the problem and work out an improvement plan we can overcome these issues.
And do just that.
July 24, 2007This Week in the World – How Bad Is It?
Although I’ve been teaching communication styles for years, I didn’t think about my father and step mom’s communication in those terms until I wrote about it last week. When I applied my style descriptions to them, I got a new perspective that changes how I hear what they say and how I interpret remarks from the past. Like this one…
Recently, my parents drove by the house they sold after living in it for 35 years. They wanted to see how the new owners had remodeled it. They got an eyeful. My step mom was “horrified” and the front lawn was a “parking lot.” There “wasn’t a blade of grass left.” The house “looked like a mausoleum.”
When she told me, I took her descriptions literally. Now I wondered if the situation was as grim as the picture I had in my mind based on her portrayal. I posed this question to a family friend who responded to my last week’s ezine. She had emailed to tell me she enjoyed my account of my parent’s conversation because she could “almost hear them talking.” She suggested that my step mom’s style reflects a Southern Belle Style, where “Nothing is good, it’s ‘the best thing ever.’ One never has a bad time at an event, it’s ‘an absolute disaster.’ Everything is ‘bigger than life.’”
People who share a bigger-than-life communication style know how to talk to each other. They also know how to listen to each other. The rest of us mortals don’t always get it. The rest of us are prone to taking their poetic license literally.
The value of understanding communication styles is not just to learn how to speak to each other, it’s to learn how to listen. That’s why I recommend that you register now for my upcoming communication seminar.
How bad is the old Nashville homestead? I’ll find out. Our Nashville family friend offered to take pictures so I can see for myself.
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Related posts which may interest you
- Reader Question: When Families Condemn – Stop the Toxic Gossip
- This Week in the World – a flair for the dramatic
- PowerPhrase: How about instead of being the older sister you be the bigger one too? Sally Forth
- This Week in the World ~ People House
- Leadership tip: Give them a pole and watch them catch bigger fish than yours
July 24, 2007Power Phrase: That’s Fascinating. Tell Me More
My father asked what I’d been up to yesterday and when I told him I spoke to the Society of Women Engineers he wanted to know all about it. I explained that I spoke about how technical people can be persuasive by communicating to all three brains. My dad couldn’t hear enough. At one point my father said,
* That’s fascinating. Tell me more.
When I got off the phone, my heart was happy. I thought about how many times over the years he’d asked me questions to learn from me. I bet that has something to do with my belief that I have something to say that is worth listening to..
I have many wonderful people in my life, but just a few that I really send the message that they respect my knowledge. My father, at 87 years old, is still one of those few. I feel blessed.
Interest is a powerful thing. Try it.
And if you have tales of people who inspired you with their interest, please post them in the blog.
July 24, 2007Poison Phrase – How to “Seduce” Your Customers
How to seduce your customers
Joe Vitale is a marketer extraordinaire that you (and I) can learn a lot from. But as with everything, it’s important to take the best and leave the rest. His book Hypnotic Writing is generally excellent. My first objection is to the subtitle.
- How to Seduce and Persuade Your Customers with Only Your Words
The definition of seduce is to lead astray. I want to lead on course. I recommend the book despite my objections to the title, with this caveat: Reader beware.
July 3, 2007Thanks, Sis
I may have learned this week what it would have been like to have a big sister who fought battles I wanted to, but couldn’t. My “big sister’s” name was Elizabeth Edwards, and the battle she fought was the fight to focus political discussion on the issues rather than personal attack. Edwards graciously asked Ann Coulter to stop making such attacks on her husband after Coulter confessed to wishing John be killed in a terrorist assassin attack.
It’s not the first time Edwards took on this cause. She once made a similar request of a liberal blogger who wished harm to a right-wing radio host.
Edwards said, “We can put an end to this type of dialogue the same way we put an end to racist dialogue in the South: because decent people objected.”
Let’s be decent people and object.
July 3, 2007Change How You Listen
For Better or Worse had a wonderful thread about a special needs student who had all the teasing she could take and addressed the entire lunchroom. Her crowning remark was,
- I can’t change how I talk but you can change how you listen.
The students exploded in applause.
July 3, 2007Joe Was Surprised
For 20 years I’ve worked to eliminate my passive communication. Since our recent copyediting teleseminar I’ve been on an accelerated mission to use the active voice almost exclusively. Here’s how I sum up the active voice: Someone does something to someone. The old way (something is done to someone) was as backwards as my thinking when I once apologized to a client because he came a half hour late.
Here’s an example of the passive voice:
- Joe was surprised by Jenny’s appearance.
That became: “Jenny’s appearance surprised Joe.”
I decided to take it one step further. I made Joe the doer and showed his surprise instead of telling of it. Here’s the end result:
“Joe asked Jenny if it was really her three times before he believed it.”
I like practicing new writing skills.
