July 24, 2007This Week in the World - How Bad Is It?
Although I’ve been teaching communication styles for years, I didn’t think about my father and step mom’s communication in those terms until I wrote about it last week. When I applied my style descriptions to them, I got a new perspective that changes how I hear what they say and how I interpret remarks from the past. Like this one…
Recently, my parents drove by the house they sold after living in it for 35 years. They wanted to see how the new owners had remodeled it. They got an eyeful. My step mom was “horrified” and the front lawn was a “parking lot.” There “wasn’t a blade of grass left.” The house “looked like a mausoleum.”
When she told me, I took her descriptions literally. Now I wondered if the situation was as grim as the picture I had in my mind based on her portrayal. I posed this question to a family friend who responded to my last week’s ezine. She had emailed to tell me she enjoyed my account of my parent’s conversation because she could “almost hear them talking.” She suggested that my step mom’s style reflects a Southern Belle Style, where “Nothing is good, it’s ‘the best thing ever.’ One never has a bad time at an event, it’s ‘an absolute disaster.’ Everything is ‘bigger than life.’”
People who share a bigger-than-life communication style know how to talk to each other. They also know how to listen to each other. The rest of us mortals don’t always get it. The rest of us are prone to taking their poetic license literally.
The value of understanding communication styles is not just to learn how to speak to each other, it’s to learn how to listen. That’s why I recommend that you register now for my upcoming communication seminar.
How bad is the old Nashville homestead? I’ll find out. Our Nashville family friend offered to take pictures so I can see for myself.
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For someone not “addicted to” and “vacinated against” this communication style, it’s very draining to listen to them. As I’ve discovered responding to it doesn’t change the situation. Just adds more fuel to the fire or crisis. Thank you for putting some perspective or name on it. I thought it was just small town mid west language.
Comment by kathy — July 25, 2007 @ 9:28 am
Someone very close to me has the same style of communication as described above. It is very draining and I get caught saying “it is not that bad” after listening them, which I know is a poison phrase. I just want them to stop, because it is exhasting to listen to. There must be a better way for me to respond?!
Comment by Jeff — August 1, 2007 @ 10:18 am