July 30, 2007Poison Phrase of the Week
Permit delays threw Peter’s renovation project off schedule and caused it to overlap with other projects on the contractor’s schedule. Peter understood that, but he didn’t understand when the contractor addressed delays with irrelevant excuses. When Peter asked when the contractor would get to the trim, the contractor said,
- Well, have you chosen the trim color yet?
This question implied that the contractor was waiting on action from them to move forward. In fact,
1) They chose the trim color when they approved the original specs, and
2) If the contractor had been waiting on a decision, he could have asked for it.
Peter would have accepted a straight answer about how the permit delays threw the project off schedule, but Peter lost trust and resented what sounded like an inappropriate attempt to blame him.
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Deflection! I see this type of response from the contractor as an attempt to avoid accepting responsibility for the construction delay and misdirecting Peter’s attention to a trivial detail. It can be so easy to fall into the trap of allowing yourself to be deflected. Since I am more aware of this tactic, I try to ignore it and just re-state my original question.
Comment by Cynthia Mueller — July 31, 2007 @ 1:22 pm
Great approach. It keeps you from getting sidetracked.
Comment by merylrunion — August 7, 2007 @ 12:50 pm
Restating the original question can be a tool for staying on track. But it won’t address the underlying cause of the deflecting strategy – which I think is usually fear. In this scenario, it sounds like the contractor already feels responsible for the delay, and hasn’t figured out how to fix all the resulting scheduling conflicts, even though they may not be his fault. He may be fearful of lost respect from the client, or an emotional scene with the client. He may be fearful of long term lost professional reputation or even lost revenue. A threat to someone’s ability to make a living is serious, even if it’s an imaginary threat. I have found a direct response to the underlying fear, if I can identify it, said in a kindly but firm tone, can be more useful. Something like “I’m not blaming you, Bob. I know you can’t control everything that affects timeframes. I was just trying to get a more realistic idea of when I could plan __________ for this room.”
Comment by Kathleen — August 17, 2007 @ 1:38 pm
Great observation, Kathleen. Thanks!
Comment by merylrunion — August 28, 2007 @ 12:57 pm
I probably would prepare prior to asking any question after the first encounter. I would had a copy of the spec and while asking the question pointed out the approved trim and ask the question. ” A wise man told me leave no stone unturned.” Come prepared.
Comment by LaMoor — February 13, 2008 @ 1:10 pm