August 28, 2007Ask Meryl: Casual dress
A newer coworker friend dresses too casually. The boss told him to upgrade, but it had no effect. How can I suggest he dress more professionally without hurting his feelings? He comes from a very casual industry.
Meryl Responds
If the boss already told him, he knows and it’s his call not to comply. Still, if you’re concerned that his attire will limit his success, it might be worth risking offending him. I’d say,
* I know you know about our dress code and I’m concerned it will come back to bite you that you don’t follow it. I’m curious, why don’t you dress according to code?
You can decide from his response if you want to emphasize the value of following the code.
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“The boss told him to upgrade.” . . . . Could it be that the boss’ message was not clear enough? Was the message phrased so that the co-worker heard it as a suggestion instead of a firm instruction? When I soften a message to avoid hurting someone feelings, or to make the conversation more comfortable for myself, I find that in doing so I may fail to make my point clear. You may find that in following up with your co-worker that indeed he failed to understand the imperative nature of the message from the boss. Perhaps you could share Meryl’s “Risky Conversation Assessment Form” with your boss.
Comment by Ashley Grosch — August 29, 2007 @ 6:19 am
When I wrote this question to Meryl I had mentioned that he wears a baseball cap to the office. He has been told by our boss and another manager that he shouldn’t wear the hat. He still wears it. I am the HR Manager and also his friend. I need to find a way to tell him the hat is unprofessional without hurting a friend.
Comment by Christine — August 29, 2007 @ 7:09 pm
Well - you could point out the new White House Dress Code http://cbs5.com/watercooler/watercooler_story_207115608.html and mention they forgot to include ball caps…
Kidding on that. I suggest you express your concern and leave it to him.
Comment by merylrunion — August 30, 2007 @ 3:54 pm
If you’re his friend, then you should be able to openly talk with him about his attire.
Perhaps you can approach it from the consequences angle:
“I’ve noticed that although the boss had a chat with you earlier about what you wear to work, there has been no change in your attire. Did he provide you with some guidelines as to what he expects?”
OR A LITTLE TOUGHER:
“I understand that the boss spoke with you earlier about what you wear to work. I imagine that if you continue to wear the cap and the casual clothes to work, this could be misconstrued: he may see this as ignoring his earlier request, or see the behaviour as rebellion. I’m sure this is not what you want to convey. What do you think would be more appropriate attire for this workplace?”
Then take the time to discuss it with him, and steer him in the right direction, if he still seems unsure as to what is expected.
You can make a little light-hearted eg, “While fortunately straight-jackets are now a thing of the past, they do prefer you wear a buttoned up white shirt and long trousers.”
All the best - let us know how you go.
Comment by Vicki — September 4, 2007 @ 5:33 pm