September 30, 2007Poison Phrase: She’s unpleasant on the phone
Penny, a new hire, was talking to her boss Alister, when Alister brought up the receptionist. He said,
- I’m amazed that even after ten years at the company, she’s unpleasant on the phone.
No one had ever bothered to mention the issue to the receptionist. That’s what makes this a Poison Phrase. Deliver your messages to the correct address.
September 30, 2007PowerPhrase – Let’s set some routines we can count on
It was push-pull with Misty and Rob. Both worked at home, she had deadlines and he was tugging at her for attention. It occurred to Misty that all their routine together times had dropped off, and if they had planned togetherness, Rob might not feel the need to interrupt her as often as he did. So instead of telling him to leave her alone as she was tempted to do when he walked in her office yet one more time, she turned to him and said,
- I miss our routines. Let’s set some time together we can count on.
They started with meals and added an afternoon walk. While it was tough sometimes for Misty to drag herself away at the designated times, overall she found it was more efficient – Rob wasn’t interrupting her as often. And it enriched her marriage, too.
BTW, pre-planned interaction can work wonders and be an interruption buster at work as well.
September 29, 2007Poison Phrase: Blame it on TIVO
When I told a friend that I forgot to record the football game my husband had asked me to, my friend suggested I:
- Blame it on TIVO. Tell him you had to reboot, and that it didn’t record.
I confess I do consider what story I would tell if I were to make one up, and there was a time when I would choose a plausible lie over an uncomfortable truth every time. No more. The discomfort over admitting my errors is pale in comparison to the the pleasure of having an excuse-free life and total trust in my relationships.
September 25, 2007Quote: Truth v. authority
“They must find it difficult… Those who have taken authority as the truth,
rather than truth as the authority.”– Gerald Massey
September 25, 2007Task Rivalry
“Nina” is the best candidate for a task I have, but she’s only been with the company for six months. Most of the team has been here over ten years. Help me explain why Nina is best.
Meryl Responds
I’d explain why.
- I’m throwing this one at (name) because of her experience in x.
If you think you need to address the fact that she’s a newbie, say,
- I’m assigning this one to (name) despite her lack of tenure here because of her extensive experience with x. I ask that you give her all the support she needs to make the project a success.
September 24, 2007Poison Phrase: There’s a reason why this is happening
Timing is everything. When Brenda got off the phone after being told the news that her house was flooded, it was too soon to welcome the words,
- I’m sure there is a reason why this is happening
People need time to experience their losses before they can take comfort in looking on the brighter side.
September 23, 2007Ask Meryl: Mistaken identity
Meryl,
Our friends are three years older than my husband and I, but look enough older that people think they’re our parents. This happened at a restaurant the other day. When we corrected the waitress, she was mortified.
What could we say to defuse the situation?
Meryl Responds
When someone corrects the waitress and lets her know you’re friends, act surprised and disillusioned and say,
- Really? You’re not my parents?
Or you could let the mistake go, or say you’re friends without mentioning how close your age is.
September 22, 2007This Week in the World ~ don’t hang up while I insult you
I was listening to political radio which I will call “Star Radio.” (To understand why, read my Pesos Widget post.) A supporter of the “Stripes” party called in, and began by saying, “I hope you’ll have the decency to let me talk, unlike other Star Radio hosts who hang up on me and don’t let me have a chance to talk.”
The Star host agreed to let him speak. I thought it might have been wiser to find out what the “Stripes” caller was like before making a commitment like that.
The Stripes caller then launched into a rant that started with, “You Stars are idiots if you believe a fraction of what you’re saying.” The Stripes caller continued with name-calling, insults and unsubstantiated personal attacks. There was no substance in his comments. The Star’s host handled the call pretty well, in my opinion. One thing he said was,
“I’d like for you to call in every day, but in order for that to happen, I need you to let me respond to your comments. Can you agree to that?” The caller did agree, and the host later reminded him of his commitment when the Stripes caller interrupted.
I wondered – does this man really not connect his own behavior with the response he gets? Does he really think he should be able to dominate, be provocative, make personal attacks and the host should just sit there and take it?
I have an email buddy with opposing political views who occasionally gets inflammatory. This week I suggested he knew on some level when he crossed the line, because he would say things like, “I’m sure this will make your blood boil” and “I shouldn’t say this, but I will.”
It’s important we heed our warning signals that tell us when we are making a point in a way that is likely to backfire.
My email buddy confessed that he does know the difference. I hope you do too.
Update: Okay, my email buddy hadn’t gone into inflammatory political rants since this post, but he did have an inflammatory rant against non-smokers. Here’s a fraction of his comment: “I have seen people afraid to walk past a few smokers standing outside by an entrance to a store, afraid they will drop dead just passing through the smoke.”
<Sigh>
September 19, 2007PowerPhrase – I owe you a whole new carpet
When Sammie got back to her office, the contractor greeted her with the news,
*I owe you a whole new carpet.
Not something you want to hear at all, but if you’ve got to break bad news, this is the way to do it. He had spilled paint all over the carpet. His way of explaining it defused her right away – she never had to wonder if he was planning to take care of it.
September 17, 2007Book Review – who knew – we’re a lot alike
I had just read yet another article about how different the generations are from each other. And I bought it. How could it not be true?
I found out how it could not be true in reading the book Retiring the Generation Gap.
People are different, but when we find someone who is different from us who also happens to be a different generation, we tend to think it’s about age.
I tested the book’s theories in Diversity Training called Walk in My Style, Gender and Generation’s Shoes on a military base last week.
The verdict came in before the seminar ended. We have more in common than we knew. Read my review of Retiring the Generation Gap here.
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Related posts which may interest you
- Find the Lost Generation, and the opportunities in the argument?
- SpeakStrong Article: “Don’t Call Me ‘Old.’ Don’t Call Me ‘Kid.’”
- Find the Sunny Side of Conflict in March 18th SpeakStrong Seminar find the opportunity in your arguments
- @danmulhern: significant stats on men, women and work
- Style quiz: My hubby made space for shoes before he bought them. I’m finding space for last year’s pair http://speakstrong.com/inventory
