September 4, 2007Poison Phrase - Kids can be so loud and obnoxious
Patty doesn’t like kids. That’s fine, but when most of your friends have them, there’s no point in constantly reminding everyone who has them when you get the families together. Patty’s husband was tickling seven-year-old Daniel in the back seat of the car, and Daniel was laughing loudly. That’s when Patty said,
- Kids can be so loud and obnoxious.
It’s one thing to bring up an issue you want addressed. It’s another to complain about behavior that comes with the territory using a blanket condemnation. Of course there are tempting comebacks to comments like this - but since I don’t recommend sarcasm, I won’t provide them here.
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The picture I got of Patty as I was reading the story, was of a person who feels powerless in her own life, who is not in touch with her own reality, and who as a result is somewhat self absorbed. If these friends are valued, she would not want to hurt them by making them feel bad about having kids, or about “subjecting” Patty to their presence. If Patty is so uncomfortable in the presence of children, I believe there are a few things she needs to do.
One is to work on widening her circle of friends to include people who do not have children, or who are willing and able to plan time with Patty without their children around. If she really really feels strongly, she might need to consider not accepting invitations to events at which she knows there will be children. Children are not crazy about being in the presence of their parent’s disapproving friends either.
And with those friends she really values, she needs to be honest and explain her discomfort and ask for forbearance and help in maintaining the friendship while understanding her discomfort.
AND she probably needs some help in figuring out why she is uncomfortable around children. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to function in the real world under all it’s manifestations? No one HAS to willingly put themselves into situations that make them uncomfortable, but in the big picture, isn’t that how we find out who we are and how we find out where the wounds are that need healing within ourselves?
Comment by Kathleen — September 15, 2007 @ 8:29 am
I think you nailed it again, Kathleen! Thanks!
Comment by merylrunion — September 17, 2007 @ 7:00 pm