I see this as a good example of how conversations can get sidetracked without people even noticing.

And since this is a blog about Speaking Strong, we can count on someone to point out where and how the conversation gets derailed.

How women dress is an important topic too, but as Lindsey pointed out, it’s a side topic to the original post.

Lindsey, let’s see if our official blog reviewer votes for your post as the post of the week this week. It gets my vote.

But a somewhat sideways compliment is never an insult and never deserves that sort of reaction. You obviously pressed a nerve (perhaps she had previously been overweight and was delighting in her slimmer shape) but don’t take it as a normal level of reaction. I and probably many other women would be delighted at being described as hourglass! I think the lady in question should be the one seeking help as to how to react appropriately.

I would like to point out however, that the conversation has turned to how women dress, and how that can influence male/female interactions. Our original write NEVER mentioned anything about how his conversation partner was dressed. I think it is interesting that the reader comments quickly turned to this topic . I do feel that people should dress appropriately, however, how can we be sure that this applies in this situation?

I agree with Kathleen- it is not polite or appropriate to comment on anyone’s figure, male or female, unless you know them very well.

Finally, I agree that the woman who took offense may have reacted inappropriately. Slapping is not vulgar, it is violent. In my book, hitting someone is not an acceptable way to make a point.

A colleague of mine was talking about women who say they’re not interested but are sending all kinds of signals that they are – and I suggested to him that since men and women do think differently, I wouldn’t assume the intent.

Kathleen, I’m very curious about what you said to that man that scared him away!

On a lighter note, I can really empathize. In my younger “come hither” days, I was anxious for a more intimate level of friendship with a young man, and I – based on my own insensitivity, inexperience, and presumptiveness – made what I thought were light hearted comments about certain aspects of his way of dressing and what I thought they revealed about his personality. Turns out I had touched on a very vulnerable spot in his personal struggles, and the next time I saw him a few yards away on a busy campus, he actually turned the other way to avoid me. I’d rather he would have slapped me. But I certainly learned my lesson about commenting on anyone’s appearance. For all but my nearest and dearest, and then only when specifically asked, I limit my comments to universally positive and non specific adjectives these days. Which seems to work well, so far.

Any by the way, some of those etiquette books are still available, and still effective.

I suggest we start by teaching young women how to dress appropriately. I do not enjoy being served a meal while wondering if the tail of one of the fried shrimp is going to get caught on the navel ring so blatantly displayed with an ample section of bare stomach.

I think it’s silly that women expect most men to say NOTHING when a women is dressed like a whore or a man’s idea of what a whore looks like). I think it’s absurd that women don’t take their own in hand and teach them a thing or two about how to present themselves in public.

I agree that men need to weigh their compliments with caution and restraint (something we don’t do well most of the time).

But why applaud a woman who dresses to enhance her figure for slapping someone who complimented her on it? Why shouldn’t see try some non-violent educating if the compliments she so desperately seems to want turn out to be a little crass.

And women: Don’t slap men. It’s vulgar.

Ericka