September 15, 2007Success story – a Lithuainian toast

Filed under: Success Story by merylrunion |

This summer my Mom & I vacationed in Lithuania, my ancestral homeland.
I know very little of the language and customs of this small country, but was eager to learn as much as possible. In a tiny village near my Grampa’s hometown, I received quite a lesson.

The owners of the B&B where we stayed wanted to show us some hospitality by way of a ceremonial toast to new friends, involving homemade juniper brandy, berry tea, and candy. We were delighted at the chance to get to know our hosts. Jurga, who is bilingual, explained the ritual, and acted as translator between her Mom and us. Everyone was to drink three shots, in unison. Afterward we were to sip the tea and nibble the chocolate. I seldom drink alcohol, but joined in for the first shot.
It was ok, but I refused the second shot, saying “I’m done drinking, but I’ll still be your friend.” I was good-naturedly admonished because it is such a mild, healthy, homemade beverage. Jurga also said, “If you don’t drink it, you cannot be our friend. This is the custom in our region.”

Thankfully there was a pause as she translated for her Mom so I had a brief moment to think. My usual conflict-avoidance reaction would be to drink or pretend to drink and go with the flow while silently seething.
Conversely, I wanted to take offense, refuse to drink and explain to them how rude they were being. But something from these weekly communication emails must be sinking in. I calmly said “I know I’m in your country, but in MY country if you force me to do something against my will, you cannot be my friend. Now how can we bridge this gap?”

Again a pause for translation and for me to collect myself. Had I actually said that out loud? I saw quiet approval as my Mom’s eyes met mine. Diplomacy prevailed as heads nodded in agreement that the goal was to find common ground. I felt an air of honesty and acceptance of divergent ways of being polite. Definitely a win-win situation. I raised my empty glass in spirit for the second and third toasts, then ate more than my share of chocolate. Lively conversation ensued regarding eating and drinking habits, overindulgence, and international relations.

Labai aciu!
Thank-you so much