September 29, 2007Poison Phrase: Blame it on TIVO
When I told a friend that I forgot to record the football game my husband had asked me to, my friend suggested I:
- Blame it on TIVO. Tell him you had to reboot, and that it didn’t record.
I confess I do consider what story I would tell if I were to make one up, and there was a time when I would choose a plausible lie over an uncomfortable truth every time. No more. The discomfort over admitting my errors is pale in comparison to the the pleasure of having an excuse-free life and total trust in my relationships.
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Nicely put. I have tried convincing people of this many times. My favorite was my sister who ordered a coffee of the month club so she could get the free coffee maker. She had it shipped to my house so she could tell her husband we gave it to them instead of admitting she spent $20. And then had the nerve to complain that he doesn’t trust her. I told her if you are willing to lie about a coffee maker, what happens when something comes up that is even harder to tell the truth about.
Comment by josh tolliver — October 9, 2007 @ 11:52 am
Thanks, Josh, for this excellent example of how the little lies can undermine trust. This sounds like a success story to me. Would you like a Pippi award for it?
Comment by merylrunion — October 12, 2007 @ 12:28 pm
[...] week’s success story is a post on a previous post - blame it on tivo. The post talks about how lying undermines trust in relationships, even if the lie is relatively [...]
Pingback by A PowerPhrase A Week » Reader success story ~ I know why he doesn’t trust you — November 11, 2007 @ 5:44 pm
What a great reminder for anyone who is tempted to participate in someone else’s lie or excuse for not ‘telling it like it is’ to a partner or friend. Going along with someone elses lie makes you feel bad and allows a ‘friend’ to use you to deceive another. A friend of mine offered furniture to a colleague at a very low cost, when the colleague called to collect it with her husband she asked my friend to not mention money to her husband as she had told him it was a giveaway! This put her in a very awkward position and upset her and of course gave her an insight into how ingenuine her colleague could be. In similar circumstances I have said: I am not prepared to lie for myself so I certainly won’t lie for you, you need to be honest if it means that much to you.I don’t want to be involved.
Comment by Beatrice — November 14, 2007 @ 3:28 am
I learned this lesson some years back at my first office job after high school. When inputting some data, I realized that I had made an error and couldn’t see an easy way to undo it. My first instinct was to try to cover it up and not tell my boss–it was very important to me to impress her. Instead, I went to her office and confessed. She was VERY gracious in her praise and told me that she felt responsible for not warning me ahead of time of this particular problem. It was much easier to fix at the outset than if I had continued on. Our working relationship was cemented from then on. Much later another new employee made the same error with the opposite reaction. By trying to cover it up it took weeks to get the bugs back out and her work was constantly being scrutinized with a severe lack of trust on the part of the boss.
Comment by Kris Whitmer — November 15, 2007 @ 4:55 pm
Beatrice, your PowerPhrase made my newsletter. Kris, your tale is a success story. Let me know if you want a free Pippi Giraffe. Thanks to you both.
Comment by merylrunion — November 19, 2007 @ 9:06 pm
[...] This week’s PowerPhrase comes from a blog post. You can read the post here. [...]
Pingback by A PowerPhrase A Week » PowerPhrase ~ I won’t lie for you — November 20, 2007 @ 11:00 am
Honesty is so important - in all aspects of life!
I have been working in adminstration for over 25 years, and a number of my managers of that time have asked me to lie for them by telling a particular caller that they’re not in, or that they are in a meeting.
I decided the first time this happened to me that I would never lie for anyone else because I consider honesty in a person a very valuable trait (especially in myself). So I have stuck to using the phrase “I’m sorry, but he/she is not available.” followed by offering to take a message or advising that I would request that the manager call them back.
I also explain to the manager that I will not lie for them but that I will use that phrase.
I continue to use that phrase to this day whether the manager is in a meeting, too busy to take calls or doesn’t want to speak to a particular person … it covers EVERY situation! Nice, easy and simple.
Comment by Vicki — November 20, 2007 @ 4:45 pm
I agree with Vicki Honesty is more important. The heart suffers from the lie and power phrase is suppose to give power not subdue it. Lies bring on low self esteem not power.
Comment by Charlotte — November 21, 2007 @ 12:32 pm
I trace the roots of my failed marriage back to my agreeing to lie for my husband’s failures. The longer it went on, the harder it became to sort out and know the truth. After a few years, I hardly knew what was true and what we had fabricated.
My kids now know that I will never lie to them or for them. I will support them, help them, believe in them, but not lie for them. It must be working, because they show me time and again that they are honest people. Recently, I was chewing out my oldest, when my middle son stood up and said “It was my fault Mom, he had nothing to do with it”. I was so proud of him!
Comment by amy — December 19, 2007 @ 8:04 am