October 7, 2007Success Story: Now I’m Angry
A reader wrote:
The most difficult times have been when I have become angry. My thought processes would freeze, my vocabulary would fail me and I would be left in emotional overload, unable to express what was inside me.
This morning it happened! I am responsible for training a lot of people in locations all over Australia. It is a new computer programme which is launching soon. For the past 3 days I have been unsuccessfully trying to raise a response from my support group in the USA because we can’t log in. Today I received an instruction that I should have been using a different URL because it was changed. (I just wasn’t told.)
I went into my boss’s office and let fly. I started with “Now I am angry!” I told him clearly what had happened, how it affected those I am training and how I felt about the lack of both communication and support.
During my blow off, my boss started to try to quiet me, then stopped. One of the staff from the outer office came and closed the door. It was quite an occasion. Once I had settled down some he commenced supportive action with a phone call to the USA, and a very strongly worded email.
I walked out of there feeling good. I had been able to think clearly, quickly and articulate properly at full bore without becoming personal or offending anyone. Credit to my boss, who, although amused at this rare spectacle, let me know he was listening, gave me the time I needed and then followed up immediately.
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Congratulations on breaking through your own blocks and expressing your emotions!
I can relate to your comment about being unable to express yourself when you got upset because I used to be the same way. After years in an abusive relationship, I learned to block my anger response. I got so proficient at blocking that it became almost impossible for me to speak at all. I also learned that unexpressed anger and frustration can lead to depression (for more info on that, see Seligman’s experiments on Learned Helplessness).
I remember the day of my breakthrough. I was so angry at my fiance, but unable to speak. I was literally silent. He kept asking me, “What? What’s wrong?” After many long seconds (which seemed like hours) I blurted out: “I AM ANGRY!” My voice forcing out those words past my own blocks…I sounded like a wild beast! We couldn’t help but laugh at that roar. Many, many years later, my husband recalls with fondness the days when I would get very quiet when I was angry. Now, I have no trouble expressing precisely what is wrong.
Comment by Cynthia Mueller — October 18, 2007 @ 3:34 pm