October 8, 2007Ask Meryl: Silent treatment from the boss
Meryl - My boss hasn’t been answering my emails lately.His assistant said he
was busy and would call me back, but he doesn’t.
I passed him in the hall today and he didn’t even nod when I said
hello.
Should I meet with him and ask if I offended him?
Meryl says,
Yes. Or say,
- I notice that you haven’t been responding to my emails lately, and I’m wondering why. Have I offended you?
Then listen, listen, listen.
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Great advice. Can I add my two cents worth? Make sure when you ask the question “Have I offended you?” that it is coming from the right place. One of my friends has a bristley personality and frequently does offend people. She sometimes asks me things like “Am I wrong?” or “Am I missing something?” But her tone conveys an expectation that the answer is always going to leave her blameless. I have found my own way of responding to her questions. My point here is that our voices and bodies convey truths that are not conveyed in our words. If you ask a question like “Have I offended you?” make sure the question comes from a place of true concern for the other party.
Comment by Kathleen — October 10, 2007 @ 7:02 am
Yes, Kathleen, excellent point. Every question needs to be examined from every possible angle and interpretation.
When someone asks a question in a way that implies they don’t really want an answer, it sometimes works to respond as if you believe they meant it.
Comment by merylrunion — October 12, 2007 @ 12:17 pm
I would go back to the assistant and inform them that the boss hasn’t gotten back to me about X work project, please
remind him/her I need to talk to them. Sometimes the secretary or assistant can clue you in as to a problem or priority that the boss has that moment. I wouldn’t take the approach that I’ve offended them since we’re both doing our jobs. If necessary, go ahead and make an appointment to see the boss and discuss your work issues. I would definitely stay away from any personal comments.
Comment by Phoebe — October 17, 2007 @ 8:05 am
I believe I would ask as if I am not sure first.
I probably go into the office after he/she missed the first email and say’ Hi I need to know if this would be a good time to talk about the email I sent you today and if not I will schedule a meetingthat will be convienient for both of us.
Comment by LaMoor — February 13, 2008 @ 12:13 pm