October 31, 2007Ask Meryl: fiancee finances
Meryl,
My fiancee is working on an advanced degree and money is tight. Yet he won’t let me help out. He tells me I’m enough. What can I say?
Meryl Responds,
Initiate a conversation about expectations: what partnership means to him, what roles he sees each of you playing and how joint decisions are made. Talk about how other couples handle finances, shared responsibilities and how they define their relationships to find out what he sees as the ideal. Find out why he’s unwilling to accept help from you. It might be important to him to make it on his own. It’s hard to know how to speak with him without knowing these things.
Singles define their own roles, but you’re becoming a couple, and that means you’ll need to create role definitions jointly. He sees it as inappropriate for a man to take financial support from his fiancee. You see it as a sign of love and sharing. The challenge is to blend your perspectives into a definition that works for both of you. This conversation is about more than money – it’s about your relationship expectations, philosophies and visions. Start by exploring his, ask him to allow you to share yours, and work together to create a blended one.
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