November 28, 2007This Week in the World: If Speaking Strong was easy, everyone would do it…and…if everyone Spoke Strong, Speaking Strong would be easy.
According to Jared Sandberg of The Wall Street Journal, many managers lie on performance reviews because if they rate someone below standards, it’s a reflection on them.
According to William Lerach of The Washington Post, there’s a conspiracy of silence in boardrooms when CEOs resign in disgrace. The executives leave in grand style because remaining board members want to protect their own hides.
“A conspiracy of silence.” Cynthia Fitzgerald missed the stay-silent-to-protect-yourself memo. She investigated and complained about bid-rigging practices in her organization, was given a bad performance review and eventually shown the door. She is now conducting a whistle-blower lawsuit.
Fitzgerald valued her job, but she rocked the boat anyway. Why? Because what she was expected to do “was wrong. And I knew it was wrong.”
So did many of her colleagues, but they played it “safe” and looked the other way.
If Speaking Strong was easy, everyone would do it.
And if everyone Spoke Strong, Speaking Strong would be easy.
Let’s all Speak Strong so the Cynthia Fitzgeralds in the world won’t be out in the open with no one to cover them when they do what’s right.
November 28, 2007PowerPhrase: Minutes away – worlds apart
The Colorado Springs development ad slogan:
- minutes away, worlds apart…
is powerful on a primal level, partly because it’s so short.
It also has something else our primal brains like: contrast. There’s contrast between the closeness – minutes away – and the distance – worlds apart.
If you use short, contrasting phrases in your communication, it will add to the impact of your message.
One caveat: The slogan also reinforces the idea of separation – which is effective as a slogan but is not a concept I like seeing promoted. There is a growing meme of “everyone for himself” and “at least I’ll get mine” that this slogan appeals to and reinforces. I would make this slogan the PowerPhrase and the Poison Phrase this week, but I have another Poison Phrase I want to include.
November 28, 2007Poison Phrase – You worry about doing this, I’ll worry about doing that.
Lloyd and Vanessa assigned tasks for a project by saying,
- You worry about doing this and I’ll worry about doing that.
Each item was assigned according to who would “worry” about it. The tasks weren’t problematic or odious, but the terms made them seem like they would be.
November 28, 2007Ask Meryl: Guilt by Association
Meryl,
Thanks to the divisive political atmosphere in today’s world, a person is often “pegged” by the venue that he/she chooses. By appearing on “Air America” one is often labeled as on the “left-wing fringe” while appearing on “Fox” leads some to make accusations of being on the “right fringe.”
Unfortunately, people seem to be judged not by what they say or by the value of their ideas. Rather, they are judged by the medium they use, not by the message.
What can our society do to focus attention back to what is said and how it is said rather than making where it is said all-important?
Meryl responds:
I’m slow to respond to your email because I have been spending my time single-mindedly writing a book to answer it. No kidding – stay tuned.
Your question addresses the societal level. The changes you (and I) seek come from individual focus. By individuals changing their understanding, the perception will shift overall. That’s why I keep talking wherever (almost) they’ll hear me.
And, the changes come from individuals refusing to be limited by how society might peg them. We need to keep saying: “this is me, this is what I stand for, and this is what I have to say.”
My message transcends Air America Radio and it transcends Fox News. I know that, because I say the same things and get the same response when I appear on either. There will be some people who won’t hear the universality of my SpeakStrong message. I’ll always lose some people by the stands I take and the venues I choose. But if I allowed that to silence me, I wouldn’t be walking my talk.
So lets keep speaking our peace and society will take care of itself.
Thanks for your excellent question.
November 28, 2007Reader Success Story: A favor returned
I have always had trouble sounding too blunt in written correspondence. My writing is succinct and to the point without any fancy dressing. Some people took it as blunt and mean. I attended a talk given by you at the suggestion of my supervisor in order to try to curb this tendency.
Since hearing you I have tried to be very proactive in my writing, reading everything two and three times to make sure it doesn’t sound short. I even asked a co-worker if she would read letters that I am not sure about before I sent them. I was surprised when she responded; “Sure, in fact I was wondering if you would read mine, I am always too wordy and you seem to get right to the point in your letters and emails”. We now work together to help each other.
November 20, 2007This Week in the World ~ contests and challenges
It’s a landslide – the new SpeakStrong wristband will have the message “Every Word Matters” on the back.
“Every Word Matters” was suggested by S. Bremmer, who will receive five free wristbands. Thanks for all the dozens of suggestions and hundreds of votes. I’ll let you know when the bands are available.
Speaking of contests... I won a contest for free ads on the Air America radio show, Clout. I had a lot of fun with it, and they helped me redo the ad to make it better. I’ll post it when it’s ready with an article that explains the techniques in the ad.
How did you hear it?
In last week’s Democratic debate, Edwards accused Clinton of defending a system that doesn’t work and is broken and corrupt. Clinton responded by saying, “When somebody starts throwing mud at least we can hope it’s accurate and not right out of the Republican playbook.”
I heard the Edwards comment as a challenge to her policy rather than mud slinging. I heard Clinton’s remark as a ploy to avoid responding. How did you hear it? (You can read about it here and comment on my blog.)
November 20, 2007PowerPhrase ~ I won’t lie for you
This week’s PowerPhrase comes from a former blog post. Read the post here and scroll down. It’s worth checking out to see teh entire post. Thanks to Beatrice.
November 20, 2007PowerPhrase: unassuming
In the must-read book 1984 vocabulary is deliberately constructed to support the aims of the state, and words that do not serve state interest are eliminated. That’s because the words we use affect our perception. So, for example, I provide a vocabulary of emotions to facilitate expressing feelings when Speaking Strong. Having the right word clarifies and empowers.
I experienced the power of words on a personal level this week. Someone who heard an interview I gave on Air America radio used a precise adjective to describe me. She had missed my web address and asked host Richard Greene if he could give her the contact info for the
- “unassuming”
…woman she heard on the radio. (Me.)
While I don’t claim to be free from assumption, I absolutely strive to be. The listener also referred to me as knowledgeable, but it was the “unassuming” that hit me.
As my upcoming wristband will state, Every Word Matters. If you choose your words with care, it could move your listener as much as this woman I’ve never met moved me.
November 20, 2007Poison Phrase ~ Do what?
When Paul didn’t understand Clive’s point, he asked for clarification by saying,
- Do what?
This is an all-too-common way of saying you didn’t hear a message, and comes across as dismissive since it has no reference to what was said.
November 20, 2007Ask Meryl: Contradiction
Meryl,
How do I handle a coworker who consistently contradicts me, and who won’t accept accountability for her errors? I want to have a healthy friendship with her and don’t want to jeopardize that by complaining.
Meryl responds:
I used to do what your friend does. It was out of a desire to be helpful. I was stunned into awareness when I offered some advice to a friend who responded, “I know you, you always say no.”
I have a friend who still does this. In her case, I think it’s a desire to explore all sides of an issue – but I find myself polarized and it gets adversarial. We’re working out our own communication guidelines to get past the barriers.
Regarding your colleague’s adversarial nature, I’d say:
- Are you aware that you tend to play devil’s advocate? It seems like you tend to take the opposite position from me, no matter what my position is. That leaves me feeling discounted. I’d like to be able to talk with you from the same side of the fence sometimes.
Regarding her unwillingness to take accountability, if she corrects the errors, I wouldn’t worry whether she owns them or not. If she doesn’t correct the errors – and if she gives a BS answer – say,
- How can we make sure this doesn’t happen again?
I have responded to people who BS me by saying:
- That doesn’t add up to me
…and then moving on to solutions. I can’t remember specific instances, but I do remember that it worked out just fine. You never know how she will respond to being called on her behavior until you try.
In my opinion, any relationship that is based on pretense isn’t really all that healthy anyway. If you can’t be truthful about issues, it’s a limited friendship.
