December 3, 2007Ask Meryl: Adolescent Communication

Hello Mrs. Runion!

I’m a junior in high school and am currently writing a research paper discussing adolescent communication and its connection to depression. While looking for good sources your page came up talking all about communication. I was thrilled! I’m looking into purchasing your book for effective communication skills to cite in my paper but I was wondering if you had anything specifically for a younger audience, discussing adolescent communication. Anything you can tell me would be a great help. Thank you!

Meryl Responds:

I absolutely believe lack of clear communication is related to depression. All I have to do is count the times I’ve lifted myself out of my own depression by clearly speaking what was in my heart. And talking to someone who really understood what I was saying was even better.

I used to write songs (amateur) to describe what I was going through, and when I got the right word, it also helped clear any dark moods I had.

The current adolescent culture includes many who come across as flippant. (Clearly you don’t fit into this category.) As someone who was afraid to speak, I regard the outspoken teens I meet with some envy. At the same time, there’s a difference between dismissive communication and genuine communication. I think of some adolescents who offered bogus excuses when I asked why they didn’t move out of the road when I drove up. They didn’t cower, but they weren’t authentic either. Defensive communication is no more healing than no communication.

Younger folks generally have looser communication boundaries than their elders did. They are far more likely to challenge the authorities in their lives. That’s not inherently good or bad, but it’s important for them to understand the context in which older folks hear their words. Whether they are being arrogant or not, your words can be taken that way.

If a conversation is authentic and well conducted, adults are less likely to be taken aback and resistant to a level of assertion the younger communicator practices that was foreign to the elder when they were teens.

I have an article about emotional communication on my website. It addresses developing a sophisticated vocabulary of feelings. I provide it because there is power in identifying the exact word. That article is here.

I plan to publish your question and my response in my newsletter tomorrow and also in my blog. Check it out to see if my readers make comments that are useful to you. I’d love to read your paper.